Innocent Lips

pt. thirty-three

♥

Hyunjin

"So..." Minho starts, taking a sip of his water afterwards. "Did you tell her?"

I avert my eyes down to my half eaten wrap at his question, the guilt coming back up. I hear a sigh and shame fills me, I didn't want to disappoint him but I have. Both Minho and Florence.

"Why not?" he flatly says and I can tell he's disappointed in me.

I keep my eyes on my food, not wanting to see his face. "I'm just scared, Min. I don't know if I can be in a relationship yet... it's too much." I admit quietly.

"Jinnie." he grabs my attention and I look up to see he has a reassuring look on his face, not a disappointed one. "You need to tell her. If you don't at least tell her you love her, you might lose her. You don't have to be in a relationship, you can still love her,"

"But... how do I tell her?" I ask him. "I've never told someone I love them romantically and actually meant it."

Minho smiles gently, taking a sip of his water again. "Tell her when it feels right, there's no rush. Keep kissing her, hugging her, talking to her like normal and... when you feel it's the right moment, tell her." he advises and my heart drops.

"I-I can't." I admit and he frowns.

"What do you mean?"

"I um... got scared of what you said at the dance studio and uh... ignored her." I tell him and his face drops. "So she's not speaking to me." I whisper.

By the look on Minho's face, I can tell he's not happy. He closes his eyes and rubs the side of his face with his hand.

"You're ignoring her for the second time?" he asks for confirmation and I nod, looking down and my cold food afterwards to not face the shame as much. "Why do you keep doing this? Keep running away from your feelings?" he nearly raises his voice but as we're in a café, that's on campus, he keeps his voice down.

I shoot my head up at his words, a frown on my face. "I don't run away." I say, hoping I sound sure of myself because I don't know if I am.

"Who are you trying to convince, me or you?" his face expresses anger and I instantly regret my actions even more than before.

When I don't reply he carries on. "Because every single time something good comes your way, you avoid it. You ruin your chances of actually being happy, Jinnie, and you have the nerve to complain when you're not? If you keep ignoring her, your gonna lose her for good." he says coldly before getting out of his seat, grabbing his bag and walking out of the café.

My heart sinks to the ground and my eyes gloss over with tears after what's just happened. I never wanted to disappoint Minho and now I have. I hate to admit it but he's right, I do ruin everything for myself.

I ignored the girl who has made me feel loved for the first time, for no reason, and now I don't know if I'm going to get her back.

Sighing and shaking away my thoughts, I swing my backpack on one shoulder and grab the rubbish to put it in the bin on the way out.

Since I've done all my classes today, I head back to the apartment. Me, Felix and Florence arrived back to England on Friday and now it's Monday.

Seeing their dad again made me feel so much better, I look up to their parents as they became my family.

But I don't know if I'll still have that if I keep acting this way.

Making my way through the apartment, I drop my bag on the ground near the door and take my shoes off before heading into the kitchen and living room area.

When I enter, I'm greeted by an empty house. I frown and quickly text Felix to see where he is, as I know Florence is at work because she was needed today, and jump on the sofa to start playing something on the Playstation.

After a round of Call of Duty, my phone buzzes and check it to see Felix has replied.

felix: just finished my last class, i'm on my way home now :)

Relief fills me now that I know he's safe and carry on playing.

—

"Is Florence not coming home?" I ask Felix after we finish another round of Call of Duty. I yawn and stretch as Felix switches the game off.

"No, she's at Chris'." his reply makes me freeze mid stretch and I look at him with my brows furrowed and my heart racing.

"W-What?" my breathing picks up at the thought of Florence being with another man. My heart starts to beat faster at his silence. "Felix?" he avoids my eyes and I start to panic even more.

"Jinnie... I know."

I nervously chuckle. "Know what?"

He turns his head to me and gives me a look saying that I know what he's talking about. I instantly lower my head to look at my hands in shame.

I've never felt this disappointed in myself, not even the day Florence said she liked me all those years ago. It's the fact that I've not only disappointed Minho and Florence but also now Felix. Felix is my best friend, the only one I have, I can't lose him. Yet I think I have from my dumb feelings.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, not daring to look at my best friend who is clearly ashamed of me.

I don't blame Florence for telling Felix, he knows everything that happened those years ago so I can tell he's cautious of anything happening between his sister and I.

"I'm not who you should be apologising to." he replies and leans forward to put his controller on the coffee table before standing up and leaving the room without another word.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath through my nose to try and calm my emotions. I place my face in my hands to try and stop my hands from shaking.

He's right. I should be apologising to Florence, not him.

But I have no idea how. Every time I go to apologise, I freeze up and the words I've been practicing leave my brain. I end up hurting her even more when I don't mean to. I have a feeling it's too late to apologise now though. She's at Chris', the better man than me that doesn't hurt her.

The unbroken one.

I jump out of my skin when I hear the front door open and I quickly wipe my tears before Florence walks into the room. I watch her place a pizza box on the kitchen counter and grab a water bottle from the fridge, all whilst not looking and me or speaking a word.

I build courage and clear my throat before trying to get her attention. "Flo."

My heart cracks when she ignores me and puts the box in the fridge, leaving the room straight after.

I sit on the sofa in a very loud silence, just staring at the closed living room door. My vision goes blurry as tears fill my eyes and my heart hurts.

What makes me break down into quiet sobs though is that Kkami comes out of his cage and jumps onto my lap, comforting me with kisses on my hand.

The one thing I didn't want to lose is leaving right in front of my eyes... and it's all my fault.