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Cwcth

The blizzard continued to come with nature's determination and was not showing any sign of stopping anytime. With it the temperature plummeted dangerously low.

There in the middle of an empty classroom where we took shelter, wet shoes by the fire, our awkward silence can be heard even with the raging storm outside. 

I looked at Seri as she rubbed her palms together to fight the cold even with my coat still draped around her.

You are freezing! Why did you have to follow me? I told you I understand.

She rolled her eyes. And in that same tone she used on me when she explained why we can sleep in the same hospital bed, told me: "Psssh! If I didn't come after you, you would have frozen to death! Why did you have to come for me, walking and injured, in this kind of weather? Do you have a deathwish? I told you, you are not a member of the Avengers or anything. How did you find me, anyway?"

No use telling her the car I used got broken. No use telling her I almost fell on a gorge trying to find her. What matters is I found her.

I will always find you, Seri. Always. 

Seri looked at me in earnest, I had to shake my head, breaking eye contact. 

Looking anywhere but her eyes, I saw the ring on her finger and before I could stop myself, asked: "Are you really going to do it? Marry him?"

"It's just on paper, why not?"

Even so, marriage is not a joke. I don't think that's how people should get married.

"Look who's talking. I hear that your fiancèe, whom you'll soon marry, found out about me."

I kept quiet. I didn't tell her that I broke the engagement. That I cannot push through with the marriage now that my heart belongs to her. 

"Is Ms. Seo Dan, your first love? Did you go to the same middle school?"

No. We didn't know each other when we were in school.

"Then, who is it?"

You. I wanted to say. But I didn't. I didn't want to confuse her. There is no future for us here. She will always be in danger here. She doesn't deserve a life like that. She deserves better. The best, in fact. I cannot give that to her while we are here.

Instead, I asked: Is Gu Seung Joon your first love?

"Of course not! I told you I saw right through him. He was only after my money."

Then who among the many men waiting for you in Seoul is it?

She laughed. That laugh that reaches her beautiful eyes. The laugh that is music to my ears. 

"You never forget, don't you?" she said. But then, she also did not answer.

As the snow storm continued to ravage outside, we continued to make light conversation to pass away the time, no one willing to address the elephant in the room that is our feelings.

Sometime in the night, I woke up to my head being cradled by her shoulder, my coat now draped around me.

As she gathered me in her embrace, her ringed hand on top of mine, I heard her softly whisper "You, Jeong Hyeok-sshi. You are my first love. My first and my last."

"I want to stay here. With you. Make a family here with you. Have girls with you. Grow grey hair here with you. But I want to protect you, too. And leaving here is the only way I can do so. I don't want your life to be shattered because of me."

I thought I knew what having a broken heart felt like. I felt it when my brother died. Felt it when my family drifted apart when we lost him. But this, tonight, is a different kind of breaking. From this I know I'll never be able to recover.

There in her arms, I have never felt more loved and more broken.

- The End -

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Author's Notes

My #CLOYTOBER 2021, D10 (Hug) entry.

Thank you everyone for your continued support, I appreciate you all very much. Stay safe and healthy. And most importantly, be kind to all kinds. 💕