Vitality

WITHOUT A USB PORT YET YEARNING CONNECTION

Unique, what a profound term to console us who are far from natural. I want to be able to have a connection with those that have come to be important in my life, those who make me want to be better, those who give hope in the helpless situations, those who are there for me when the darkness threatens to swallow me. yet the most vital aspect to having connection outside familial concept is communication.

Communication; the concept of transmitting thoughts or feelings. Its this single act that always blocks me from being normal enough to form real connections.

<AN – Before I get into the profundities of my damaged humanity, a special message to my special person.

My love, no matter how silent my presence makes itself, know that you are always my world.

You are in all my thoughts from dawn till dusk, my every inspiration, more than what my existence defines itself. You are my center, the being that grounds me to reality when I wonder to the edges of all that is purely concept and philosophy. I show you that you are my world by writing everything inspired by your light in my life.

I know I am a walking cyclone, and I am sorry for the hurt and pain. I have found a solution to this madness that is my every disaster. I will be myself without the intent of change, but I will be myself with the recognition that you are my everything, every act of mine will no longer be about the self only but with the thought you in my actions.

I love you and I don't want to lose you for the naïve act of ignoring what might prompt my loss of you. But , reality wins a close second after time fore the nature of its cruelty, have resolve in your every decision. Even I know now the pain and hurt of my nature. Be the you that makes the world black and white with a profound smile. Know your worth, like Aphrodite accept that the world will bow at the soles of your feet.

<AN – Hope you read this, Victoria>

Don't get me wrong, I like talking to people, who are noetic (Doesn't matter the field). Even though I talk, I find myself making them the topic of the conversation or I keep the entire conversation on the initial topic.

Whether it is the sociopathic traits in me or the narcissistic ego or the perspective self-isolation, but I enjoy being with myself and afar away from as much people as possible. I have come to the terms that I may have unconsciously made sure that my family does not immerse themselves into my life at every chance they get.

I have convinced myself that I want to be at the arms of my ego and not my closest friend or the love of my life. I wish to have a connection. A connection where we openly speak to each other or text. But as usual my uniqueness gets me to just be with my thoughts. I don't know if it is truly that great to be able to think of philosophical concepts that qualify to be graduation thesis when I am by myself, but now my isolation has become an issue that has my body and mentality short circuiting. I am at a loss of what I am to do.

When I make a friend, I deem worthy of my life, I open up without missing a single cataclysm of my origin, yet when I get home, to the walls that know my every secret. I find myself not interacting with anyone, even when actuated by text or call, I give the time thinking the immersion will get me to be active in society, but the reality of my life is the words I bury my being, the fantasy worlds I loss myself into without realizing that I am neglecting my presence in the lives of others.

Communication: I can state that you are my life's mortal enemy. But I will conquer you and connect with the people that define and bestow reason to my possible future. I will achieve self-actualization and be the better self that can enjoy the concept of social group to the furthest extent.

To myDawn. I can't apologize for not being there. I know the danger of us not being the us we are when you are in arms reach, I will reign myself to do better as the candidate for your life.

If so be it fate or your wake to my inability to be human, then I shall pride myself on the concepts that were taught to me by them who proved that I can have meaning in being.

 Still I yearn to connect in a connection that will defy my nature.

- NEO BIGBRO- I NEVER TURN A OLD FRIEND INTO ENEMIES, I'D RATHER TURN MY BACK AND TRY TO BE A BETTER ME – FROM_THE TAIL -