SDMN| Stories

• CHANGE | KSI & SIMON

"Goodnight."

Jide's heart sunk slightly in his chest at the word. It was almost three in the morning, so it's reasonable that Simon wanted to sleep, but Jide thought that they were having a good conversation.

They had been the last to leave the Sidemen discord call, in fact, they didn't. The two were sat, caught up in conversation, a deeper conversation than their usual banter, one that JJ was really enjoying. He liked learning new things about Simon, his deepest fears, his outlook on certain aspects of life, just anything really.

A sigh was pushed out from his lips, exhaling a breath that he was unaware he had been holding. JJ's room felt colder for a moment, the reality that he was going to be alone in just a few seconds washing over him. As soon as he replied with a 'goodnight', Simon would leave the call and he would be left to his thoughts.

The sheer depth of that fact caught onto him, reminding him of a similar situation on a larger scale. Their house's lease would be up soon, and they would move apart. All the years left behind, they would begin to start their own families and grow inevitably apart.

This scared JJ. His best friend since school, the one guy who was always there for him through his successes and fails, would no longer be around.

"You there lad? I said goodnight...?"

Simons voice intersected his train of thought, throwing it from its rails with a crash, emptying out all the passengers.

If he didn't say goodnight, Simon would assume he fell asleep and leave.

If he did say goodnight, Simon would assume he's going to fall asleep and leave.

Either way, Simon was going to leave.

"Simon?"

Maybe JJ could stall, delay the inevitable. Maybe he could keep talking to Simon, stop him from going away.

"Yeah?" Simon responded, his voice thick with tiredness.

If JJ noticed, he would've felt guilty for keeping his friend awake for so long. But he didn't- he was too focused on trying to steady his voice enough to get out his next words.

"How are you?"

It was the only question he could think of in his panic, and admittedly, it was lousy. Seriously, JJ? Fucking idiot.

"What? Uh, yeah good, Jide. You alright?"

No. He wasn't alright. His hands began to tremble, his ears were throbbing from his headphones being on too long, panic crept up his core and sped up his heart.

He didn't want Simon to leave and forget about him.

"Simon can I come to your room please?"

Simon would've usually made fun of a question like that, but the tone of JJ's voice stopped him. The younger sounded worried and stressed, and a tremble ran through his voice.

"Of course."

Swallowing a lump in his throat, JJ waited for the familiar Discord tune to play before throwing off his headphones. His chair creaked as his weight came off of it, and on unsteady feet he quickly went to Simons door.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

JJ wasn't sure why he knocked, but he found himself doing a lot of things he wouldn't usually do, so it was thrown away to question another time. Just as his closed fist was about to hit the wooden door again, it clicked open.

"You didn't have to knock lad, you could've-"

Lurching forward, he swung his arms around his best friend, holding tightly as he buried his face into Simons hoodie.

Slowly, Simon patted JJ's back, taken off guard by the sudden hug but not daring to pull away.

When JJ was ready, he let go of Simon, eyes immediately eating up the floor. The hug was necessary, grounding the male. He hadn't lost Simon yet. Simon was still right there with him.

"Come on." Simon smiled, taking the shorter boy's shoulder to guide him to the bed. He stripped back the covers, allowing them both to snuggle in before pulling them up. "What's up?"

JJ had shut his eyes, grateful for the warmth and comfort Simons bed provided. He wasn't one to often show his deeper feelings, normally he kept them to himself.

That meant he wasn't exactly too sure of how to phrase what he was thinking.

"I just didn't want to lose you, man. I don't- I can't be alone. I'm not responsible or... or independent, I can't even cook for myself or-"

"You don't just mean the Discord call, do you?"

"I don't want to move away, Simon."

His words just hung in the air, dissolving into the warmth that filled the room. He laid still, paying attention to the blanket that tickled his cheek, which went unmoved since his arms were folded neatly across his chest. With each deep breath, the blanket rose and fell, moving up his cheek then going back. Back and forth. Repetitive. Not changing. JJ didn't like change. Sure, he's dealt with a changed song lyric or Sidemen shoot date or video idea, but nothing deeper. He could always handle surface level change.

The blanket pattern stopped as it was dragged down, following the movement beside him. In the soft moonlight, he watched Simon turn to face him, and his hand reach out to rest near his shoulder.

"We'll still see each other all the time. You'll be alright." Simons hand accented his statement with a reassuring squeeze.

"I know but it doesn't feel like it will. You're the one guy who knows me better than anyone and I'm going to lose you."

"Why would you lose me?"

"You're going to forget about me. Start a family. Move away from YouTube and the guys... you'll leave me behind."

"JJ..." Simon moved closer, pulling JJ by the shoulder to rest on his chest. His chin sat atop the dark mess of hair as he took deep breaths. "JJ I can never forget about you. We're more than just 'KSI' and 'MiniMinter'. No matter what happens with our careers we'll still be best friends. Nothing can change that. I'm here for you man. And you know what, JJ?"

JJ relaxed into Simons chest, inhaling his soft scent.

He smelt of home.

"Yeah?"

"You've done it. You've made it and I've been with you every fucking step of the way. I'm so proud of you bro, we've grown up together from nothing and look where we are. Change can be good if you let it."

Tears came to JJ's eyes, but he wasn't going to let them out. Simon was right, he was always there for him. Nothing can destroy that.

JJ squeezed Simon, a gentle 'Thankyou' in the dark.

Before long, Simon was falling asleep listening to the soft snores of his best friend, hugging his chest.