A Graveyard of Stars

Chapter Nineteen

Dedicated to my friend who's birthday is today. I wish he was still with us to celebrate it.

-G

—

"They sicken me," I mumble, watching out the car window toward the crowd of people sobbing selfishly. They're standing around a tombstone in the middle of the cemetery, dressed in black, praying to know why, why, why.

Addie Bishop is the funniest one to watch, with her makeup smudged and her body slouched. I might've believed her if I wasn't there when she admitted to Connor that she was cheating on him for the majority of their relationship sophomore year.

"We didn't even make that cute of a couple. Sorry, but things just happened," were her exact words.

And Fred Newton, the guy who tried to fight Connor last year because he thought he snitched on him for smoking a joint in the school's football field. This was false. Connor knew nothing about Fred, but that didn't matter. Fred had assumed it was Connor for some reason and in his mind he needed someone to blame.

I guess the tears he's shedding on his grave means he "forgives" him.

There's more. Some from school that even I've never spoke to. One by one they go up and place flowers or say a prayer. I wonder what some of them are thinking, as they mourn for a boy they never seemed to care about while he was breathing.

Will, Abigail, Craig and I sit in the Mustang, waiting till they are all gone. Their parents comfort them as they walk to their cars, unaware that their children don't deserve their pity.

The only ones left at the tombstone are Connor's parents. Craig opens the back door, "Can you guys stay here for a few minutes?"

"Of course," Abigail says, as Will and I nod. Craig leaves to join his parents. I watch them stand quietly. After a few minutes, Ralf reaches over and places his arm around his sons shoulder, pulling him to his side. I realize in bitter astonishment that they never looked more like a family then they do right now.

Taking a deep breath, I rest my head back on the seat and close my eyes. One year today. I've made it one year without you, Connor. How many more? If it's going to feel like this, how many more can I take?

A warm hand slips into mine. My eyes open, suddenly heavy, and I look over at Will who's sitting in the driver's seat. He doesn't need to be here. He's explained that he never really knew Connor, but he's here anyway. For me. For his friends.

He squeezes my hand, urging strength to awaken in me.

Craig taps on my window, causing Abigail to jump in the back. He motions for us to get out. We do and I notice Ralf and Richelle walking together toward their car.

And what about all these people, Connor? All these people you've left behind to miss you? And your dreams. I know you had some. You left so many things behind, so many good things.

Summer is coming. The official day is a month away. The weather is perfect these days. It's not cold but the soft winds keep it from being too hot. There are only a couple other people I can see in the cemetery now, visiting other graves. I watch a lady put flowers down in front of one as we walk through the grass.

The grass sways as the wind comes. All of a sudden the grave is right in front of me. This is only the second time I've ever been here. I don't feel bad about that, because it's not like he's actually here.

You must've forgotten that the world isn't completely cruel. It's a little like what you told me. The world, just like its people, is misunderstood. Some of us only see the trash on the sidewalks or the morbid headlines on the news. The world is more than those things though, Connor. It can be a beautiful sunset or a warm cup of coffee on a chilly morning. The world is misunderstood and people don't take the time to try and understand it.