↳ LIKE REAL PEOPLE DO

🗒 ❛ chapter one ༉‧₊˚✧

"did you make sure to take your lithium today, sweetheart?"

this is the third time my mother, renee, has asked me that this morning, as she puts on a bright red lipstick using her rear view mirror instead of watching the road. with one of her hands still on the wheel, i still have a chance of getting to the airport in one piece. she's been eating one too many diazepam since the accident, and phil doesn't do much other than enable it. i don't know what else i would expect from him.

"yes, mom," i answered her.

i rolled my eyes and put my head against the window, biting my tongue as i watched the arizona desert pass by me. i couldn't wait to get as far away from phoenix as i could— away from fake friends and a woman who pretends that she's a good mother. bella always bought her bullshit, but i never did.

i tuned into what phil was thinking as he sat in the passenger seat, but there wasn't much of anything interesting — just grumblings about the baseball game they were discussing on the radio station. i pulled myself from his thoughts and instead focused my attention onto the buttons of the stereo, flicking my eyes to turn the knob controlling the stations. loud metal music erupted from the speakers and i hid my smirk behind a curtain of hair, acting as if i didn't see the two of them jump in surprise and quickly change it back.

i'm not sure if i'd always had these abilities and never noticed them before, or if they came as a package deal with being mentally ill, but regardless — it wasn't something i would ever tell anyone about. being locked in a psychiatric ward for three weeks while they played around with my medication was enough, i didn't need to be trapped there as a science experiment forever.

"we're here, honey," renee announced, "aren't you excited? it's such a good day to fly— oh, i'm going to miss you so much— it's gonna be weird having an empty nest— i'll have to use the space for something fun— we can turn it into a sauna and get a indoor hot tub—"

i eventually just stopped listening to my mothers ramblings because the only thing they did was make me angry and sad. i didn't understand how she could be so quick to want to erase bella's existence like that. mine, i could understand— but it's just been a little over a year since bella died, and while i can respect that it's hard to think about her, the thought of forgetting her feels so much worse. i reached up to touch the locket i wore around my neck, containing some of bella's ashes. she was always with me, and it was my job to live for the both of us now.

phil stayed in the car, making my mother and i bring my luggage inside. i didn't have much, a couple of duffle bags and a small suitcase— but it still just put a bad taste in my mouth. i dove into his mind one last time and saw him trying to peak up my skirt as i walked away through the side mirror. i scrunched my nose up at his perverted thoughts, taking myself out of his mind and making two nearby wasps fly into the car as i flipped him my middle finger high in the air.

my mother continued to ramble— a tell tale sign that she was nervous. she wasn't a good person and she was a shitty mom, but i know that deep down she feels guilty for failing us. she got pregnant with bella at her senior prom— her and charlie got married right after graduation and by the time they we were twenty one, they had two kids under two. she was young and wasn't ready to settle down, she wanted to dress us up but not take care of us. i will never understand why she took us with her when she left charlie— but sometimes i like to convince myself it's because she really did love him, and thought that if he had to be a single dad to two kids then he'd have to drop out of the police academy. i'd never know, though. she never thought about it and i would never ask.