attractive? ??. yup, problems are really attracted to me

ppl change.....u know it

I knowthat u know that ppl change.....ughhhh why do they.....jzt becz suddenly they want to get rid of you and suddenly they wanna forget all their promises and vows they made....ughhhh.....why why why why do they.....
it feels that it was all ur fault..u blame urslf.....all u do is blame urself cz maybe u got too anooyong or u bothered them.....then it feels like a jerk....u think u suck at being u and u suck at being alive.....
this brings u down....u feel suicidal.....u cut......u wanna die.....(maybe sm ppl wont think of dying but i am talking about maximum ppl).....
So comming back to my topic!!!!!!!⭐⭐⭐
i found out that angel (if u read the second last ch. U will know who she is)was not bad bt was better than me...
...she was good in handling my friend so i am basically like jzt talk to me when u will find out that i am there too...
Well.......n
i know i pretend to be happy outside my room bt however when i enter my room....its a feeling of everything that happened to me....comming all at once makes me feel sad and i put on my music that makes me sing....i tent to make out silly noises which make me laugh....i laugh like a retard whih makes my brother think that i am mad.....he laughs...i laugh and for a moment i forget about all that.....i do my homework...n.i study while i listen to music....then i play....
and then fooooodddddyyyy time....and finally recovery...that means sleep
So this is all i go throughhh...
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjhhhhh

I jzt wanna leave....and travel the world...eat best kind of food...collect memories with my bestiessss.....i wanna be free but
nooooo....
i dont wven have money to go to my besties house........ughhhhhh
Why why why
so here i am sitting next to an extralarge window.....okay not that large but large.......soo....i am hee realizing that i am writting randm stuff and tgis is gonna be boring so dear reader skip this part bcz....i am very lazt to delete it and i want to write things down so i basically wont experience any kind of breakdown..cz i know i am that kind of person who will tell the sad truth to themselves so afterwards there is no kind of feeling sad..u know....so i tell myself allvthat through writting
the boring part starts here
i am that kind of person who can be kicked in ass thousand times by the same person bt still when its them crying......bammm......i am so concerned....i try to find the best in them....
Lol
what kind of shit i am
hahah

I am not even staring outside the window i am like staring on the window....looking at its glass and feeling many things deep within bt i really dont wanna bring them out cz
some things are glad to stay in our mind and never wanna come down to the throat...(well basically i am not even saying it so why need throat bt i guess u understand...if u r reading it)
ps.did i ever mentioned that i have a lot of things going inside my mind.....
why cant this materialistic society we live in....ughhhhh
(well i noticed that i use *ughhh* way too much and even the phrase *kinda of* and even the symbols like *.......* u feel me)
i got online.......got on my page and there u go....my motivators brightening my day by their sweet msges...their comments...their everything...its jzt so sweet answering them back.....
I figured out that my motivators kinda grew in no.
they are like 310 motivators bt however the other pages make me competion stuff....bt like wateva...i reshared things cz all my own posts were in my laptop that was out of internet..(wifi not working)
ughhhh...why why why why....
i really dont like it..nthe way it is...
Zayn leaving otra....loise and elenour breaking up....no more books of percy jackson....well pokemon still exist...so okay wait.....i am so random.....
ughhhhhhh....why why why
okay going back to my page....i had nearly 26 notifications...which was sad cz basically after a day or so..i reached it around 50.....i knew that i was not good enough....
i wanted everything to be okay....
my life
My room
my studies
My sports
My art
My page
my social life
My hair
my clothes
my homework
My frndz
my besties
my teachers
My tests
my novels
my fandoms
my whole sick life.....
Today i had got my geo test that was 3/10..ughhh...
I knew i was not doing good and then i also knew that i was better than this before..i knew i had to be good cz i was good so why cant it be i am good....not the *good girl* bt i was a good student...
studying in a convent school has that
house thing(eg:hogwarts had slitheryne) (i hope the spelling is not wrong well plz forgive me...#gettingbadmarks at school)
okay so now being in a house....i am in shakespear house....we have the captain, vice captain,head girl, vice head girl,associate head girl,sports captain and vice captain which all starts in 9th grade and if u wanna be one u have to be good in 8th standard
But no....wht i am doing is
getting bad marks
Not doing anything good
Not even playing good
not getting good marks
Not cleaning my room
ughhh...i am so bad