𝗜𝗳 𝗜 𝗗𝗶𝗲 𝗧𝗼𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗼𝘄 🤍

•𝗗𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻•

•🗡•

Nikki's POV, 25th November 2004

After yesterday's disaster of a day, things between Vince and I have been... icy? I guess that's the best way I can describe it to you, he's been trying to help me but I won't let him too, I want him too don't get me wrong I'm just too up my own ass to accept it.

He wants me to talk to him but I can't right now... you're probably sick of me for saying I don't want to talk but it's not that easy for me, I really wish it was but it wasn't.

To try and lessen the tension between us he has suggested we go out for dinner, I didn't want to go but I'd let Vince down enough recently. I know what Vince is trying to do, he's trying to distract me, I appreciate it really... but it's not that simple... he knew it but he'd rather try and fail then let me suffer, I loved him for that.

I don't think it's going to work because I'm still going to hurt myself... that's partly out of my control, it's like when I was on drugs, I didn't want to take them but I couldn't stop myself because they controlled me, self harms the same.

At this moment I was just getting ready to go, Vince- seems as it was his idea- got dressed first and with the most enthusiasm, he'd chosen a black button up shirt, blue jeans and some formal shoes, as well as a few of his many necklaces and rings many of which I'd brought him over the course of our relationship.

Me on the other hand had gone for a white buttoned shirt, which was surprising because I rarely wore anything other than black, but I thought I may as well change it up a bit today, with the shirt I'd chosen some black jeans so I was wearing something black, as well as some formal shoes like Vinnie.

I'd done my eyeliner just now and was just hair-spraying my hair, throughout doing these things I'd tried not to look at myself in the mirror or make eye contact with myself because like always when I'm in this low state of mind I can't stand the sight of myself because I know what I'm doing is wrong and the part of my brain that knew that constantly reminded the rest of my head, so I hate my own existence but can't stop myself from doing what I'm doing.

Once finished with my hair, I got up and went over to where Vince was downstairs, the singer had heard me coming down the stairs so was stood up form where he'd been sat waiting for me on the couch "Ready?" He smiled, I nodded in reply not feeling like using words, Vin added "I know you don't want to go but I promise you'll feel better after you've gotten out a little"

I hope so but I don't think that's gonna work, it's a nice effort though.

I didn't reply to what my boyfriend had said and Vin didn't push the matter, he just moved towards the front door and opened it nodding for me to leave, I did as I was told and headed for the car which Vince unlocked.

I got in and waited for Vin to come over, when he did and got into the drivers seat, we said nothing to each other, just hit the road. The drive to the restaurant wasn't too long, ten to fifteen minutes but the silence was unbearable, I had to turn the radio on at some point because the tension in the car was way too much, Vince wanted to speak but didn't want to argue with me, I wanted to make a conversation with my boyfriend but my depression wasn't in the mood to be social.

The radio helped a little to at least put some noise between us until we got to the restaurant. We pulled up at our destination and Vince took the keys out the ignition opening the car door and getting out walking to my side of the car- I turn the radio off and opened my door and got out once I'd done that Vince shut the door behind me and locked up then leading us into the restaurant which looked rather posh, we'd driven past this place a lot but never stopped to come here, I was a little surprised Vince booked us into a place like this but I low-key always wanted to try it because it looked pretty... don't tell anyone I said that though.