Closing the distance

Chapter 2

Sona leaned back into her chair, using a napkin to wipe away her tears. Why do the tears not stop? It has been so long, yet the wound, the pain, the tears all remained fresh. People say, Time heals. Why isn't it healing hers then? She threw away the napkin and grabbed another one. Why did she do that? Why did she just blurt those things out to Dev at counseling? She had not meant to at all. But in that moment, as he claimed to prioritize her and their family, her pain had just come out to refute him. You should know better, she admonished herself, as she crumpled up the tissue and aimed for the garbage bin. What if Dev gets very stressed out due to this? What if he takes more pills? Panic mounted inside of her as she tried to debate what hurt her more, her mother's death, his absence at that moment or his OD'ing on anxiety medication due to stress. The internal debate set forth another fresh round of tears as she sobbed uncontrollably, thinking back to that day. When Ma got sick.

Baba had called to say Ma was running a fever.

"What is the temperature Baba?"

"101.2C."

"Okay, give her some crocin. I will come by in the evening to check on her."

Ma looked a little dull, but that was understandable. She started protesting right away why everyone was making such a fuss over a little fever. "I am human being, I can fall sick, you know!" She huffed in Baba's direction. Baba only rolled his eyes.

"Ma, Baba was just worried about you, that is all. And can't I come to see you whenever I want? Well, I wanted to come to see you."

"You can come whenever you want, Shona, this is your home too. But why did he have to call and bother you for a little fever?"

"If this is my home and you are my mother, how is it a bother? Ma, let's go to the doctor, make sure its nothing else. For me."

The doctor seemed to think it was a seasonal flu and advised a lot of rest and fluids. Sona called her father every day to check on the progress, much to her mother's annoyance at being babied. It had been a week, and there was no difference. She went to check on her and determine the next steps. Dev had come with her that day. He was needling Ma for a date and she laughed, "Bodmash". Sona couldn't help but smile. Dev certainly knew his way around mothers, whether his own or hers.

Further blood tests revealed a serious UT infection. Ma had been feeling some pain while passing urine for a little while, and she hadn't said a word aloud. Sona was upset, why would she hide this from her? Ma was put on antibiotics. Things should have gotten better from then on. But they didn't. She looked weak and worn out. Maybe they needed a different dosage, a different class of antibiotics. Maybe they needed a second opinion. She started to look for other specialists. Dev seemed to think she was panicking for no reason.

"Sona, why don't you let the course of antibiotics finish? Let it get done, then we can see whether it helped her or not."

"What if it gets too late then?"

"What are you talking about? Your mother is young, she is going to be just fine. It is an infection, it is going to be treated and she will be healthy. Trust me, dear, in no time she is going to be making and force-feeding the kids her famous muri ghonto as my mother scrunches up her nose."

Dev's reassurances had no effect on her. Call it an instinct or sixth sense or whatever, Sona could not shed her restlessness. Soon, Ma had to be admitted to the hospital. They were doing several tests on her. It seemed the condition of her kidneys was bad. She could see her father's worry and smell his fear, even though he pretended that he finally had a couple days off from Ma. Sona wondered whom were they trying to fool, the two of them? Ma and Baba. The perfect couple. She wondered if she and Dev would ever get to this place in their relationship?

Dev. Dev had stopped his constant assurances regarding Ma. It's been 4 days and he hadn't visited Ma at the hospital. She knew he was dealing with the kids, because he would call sometimes when Shubh or Suhana wanted to talk to her. But why couldn't he come and visit her sometimes? 'Why don't you just ask him?' Her mind's voice quipped. 'No, would he have to be asked if it was his mother?' Came the counter question from another part of her mind. 'He is busy with kids, work, his mother.' Funny how as soon there was any questioning about Dev, there was a reserved part in her mind solely to jump up in his defense. She called that 'The Dev Defense' part of her mind. 'Too busy for Ma?' The Dev Defense didn't have a valid retort.

She reached home late. Dev was still awake, his laptop open. She put away her clothes for laundry and grabbed some fresh ones.

"How's Asha Ma doing?" He asked.

"Fine." She could feel his eyes following her.

"What did the doctor say? When will she be discharged?"

"Hopefully soon. Her WBC count was coming back to normal."

He didn't ask for further details. "Did you eat dinner? You hungry?"

"No, I grabbed a sandwich in the hospital canteen." She went inside the bathroom and closed the door. She splashed some water on her face and bent over the sink. She was so tired. She just needed Dev so badly, she wanted to melt, leaning against him. But unbeknownst to her, there was an anger taking root. Why didn't he try to make time to come and be with her? Sure, the kids needed one of them and Shubh was too young to be left without his parents. But still, he could make some time from his work, maybe stop by. It would cheer Ma so much! She never failed to ask about him.

"I will come with you tomorrow morning to the hospital." She heard him through the door. She looked up at her own reflection in the mirror. Did she just hear him right? How does he always know what to say to her? Or is he just making a courtesy gesture? He should know she doesn't need that.

She opened the door. "Oh, you will? Is your schedule free?" She couldn't help the bite in her tone.

Dev walked over to her, close, very close. She looked up at him. He seemed to be contemplating something. Then he announced again, "Yes, I want to come with you. Is that all right?" Damn him. Fine, Mr. Dixit you win. She smiled, relaxed and settled into his arms, feeling his breath against her hair.