Kitten

Chapter Fourteen: Nightmares

Nightmares felt like a regular part of Dick's life. He'd had them even before the tragic incident that somehow left him living in a superhero base waiting for his chance to prove he could be good. Before his parent's death, usually, his nightmares were about the folk tales he'd heard during his travels throughout the world. Each new country had such wonderful culture but he always seemed to find out about all the horrible things awaiting naughty children who annoyed their parents and those who got too close to the dark shadows of the world. His parents would be there, collecting him in their arms to bring him into their bedroom, and they'd tell him stories that reassured him he wasn't the target of the next evil spirit. They always told him that he was safe from those mythical evils because he was a good kid. How wrong they were. After their death, the nightmares were simple but terrifying. They were snippets of his parents fall mixed in with some of the horrific things he'd seen and experienced as Kitten. Selina protected him as much as she could but she couldn't always be there nor could it always be avoided. He'd been hurt before, he'd been scared before and he'd thought he'd die before. All things she never wanted for him but were a hazard of the job. When night came, Dick was always aware that nightmares would be brought in alongside it no matter how much fun he'd had that day. They weren't all waking up screaming in a panicked frenzy but no night was devoid of horror. Sometimes it was the near misses of true stomach-churning ideas that left him more shook up than actually seeing it. Selina was sometimes there to comfort him, pressing kisses against his forehead and petting his hair until he fell asleep again or if he was truly against sleeping she'd calm him down with a warm cup of milk. Either way, he'd feel comforted. She wouldn't always be there though and he'd come up with a little routine that got him together during those times. That routine was putting on his Kitten garb and skulking the street until he found something or got called back home. The freedom of taking on Gotham pushed the nightmares to the back of his mind where they could be smothered by more important things. 

Unfortunately, he was without Selina but also unable to go out as Kitten without supervision. His place with the team was already conditional and he didn't want to ruin it through escapism. He tried to convince himself that maybe he'd be spared of the nightmares but he knew it was inevitable. Like usual, Dick awoke with a start and gasped for breath. His hands clawed at his face where the wet cloth from his dream ghosted over his features. Finding it missing should've been the relief he needed to know he was safe but it didn't do anything to quell his panic. He didn't recognize the room. Where was Selina's TV? Why wasn't he on the couch? "Selina?" he called out into the darkness before he caught himself. A sad sigh slipped past his lips when he was met with silence. He wasn't there anymore. She wasn't there anymore. Well, she wasn't there for him anymore.  The teen pushed himself into a sitting position and pulled his legs close to his chest where he rested his chin on them. It was a weird feeling to be so alone. He'd felt lonely, especially during the early years of his time with his mentor where he couldn't follow her around as much, but he hadn't felt alone. There wasn't anyone here for him this time. Dinah was perhaps the closest he had to the figure he missed dearly and yet he didn't feel like he wanted her comfort. Dick knew what he wanted but he also knew he couldn't have it. He let out a long sigh as he sat up then swung his legs over the edge and pushed himself off the bed, fixing his pant legs once he was standing up and pulling on a hoodie. The cave got cold at night, not unlike the apartment he'd stayed in previously. He put on socks to protect his feet from the cold floor and finished his miss-matched look with the sunglasses gifted to him. Walking to the door, he paused when he was reminded that the old comfort mechanism wouldn't work this time. Unofficial house arrest had put a stop to it. That had put a spanner in the works but he figured getting out of his room would do something for him. Hopefully, nobody else was up and about because he was not in the mood to talk to people.