Cream of Tartar

Chapter 6: OMG Can't A Girl Drink A Pumpkin Spice Latte in Peace?!

It was not good, like at all. I have never been more bored in my entire life. Professor N droned on and on about our English Literature assessments for literally 2 hours.

"No one told me there were going to be assignments at college! I didn't sign up for this!"

"It's the University of the Rat Boyz," Laim says, his voice filled with awe, "What on earth were you expecting, you uncultured swine?"

"Don't you mean rat?" I say with a big wink. Then I sober up, "I guess that makes sense when you put it that way."

Laim gives a short fake laugh, nods once and turns and walks away, moving in a zigzag pattern so people on the pathway have to actively dodge him. Approximately 22 feet into that bizarre walk, he turns and side shuffles back towards me.

"I'm going the wrong way!" he says on the way past me and starts cackling as he moonwalks away (not well).

"How Laim..." I say with a shake of my head and I turn and follow him, grapevining all the way.

We somehow both end up at the most popular coffee shop/Italian fusion restaurant on campus - Rattucino - despite planning to go our separate ways, so we reluctantly sit at a table together and order our food and drinks. I look at the menu and am disappointed by the prices, before I remember that I eat Almas caviar for breakfast almost every week.

"I-a want-a arancini as-a my-a starter-a and-a ossobuco as-a my-a main-a" I say in a very authentic Italian accent I picked up while mother and I had a layover in Stockholm when I was 2.

"Eccellente, mi amica. Voglio ordinare Dino Nuggets per il mio pasto principale," Laim says in perfect Korean.

We wave the waitress over using the YMCA dance and she shuffles over and takes our orders right out of our brains???/????

Our food comes in record time, I was timing on my stopwatch app. I eat my food with impeccable manners using a single chopstick and a knife while Laim scarfs his down, barely pausing to breathe. I shake my head in open disgust and wag my finger at him while my other hand is on my hip, before returning to my food, "Use your fucking manners, Laim. Oxygen is important while eating."

"Why don't you just eat your food and mind your own damn business," he cheerfully replies with a mouthful of Dino nuggets and ketchup dripping down his chest.

"I do mind my business! I'm the CEO of my late grandfather's Marrirat Hotels! How else do you think I got into such a prestigious university? He's been donating to this damn university since before your mother was even born!" I say, very slowly rising out of my chair as my temper rises too-I measured the change with my smart watch.

The other patrons slowly rise out of their chairs in solidarity. As one, we shame Laim for assuming that I used my intelligence to get into this esteemed institute of learning. The waitress that took our order bursts into an applause, her face brimming with pride. I give a grand bow and sit back down to finish my meal.

"So have you always lived in Ratlanta?" I say, making polite conversation with my new best friend.

"Yeah, I'm a ratty boy through and through," he replies with a squeak, "What about you Ceram?"

"Me too. I was born and raised in Ratlanta. Although, I did move to Manrattan when I was 2 days old and then I moved to Ratvia when I was 3 and then I went to the United Arat Emirats for pre-k and then I resided in Ratmandu for a while before I relocated to Rathens for a few years and then I lived in Serattle when I was in middle school and then I lived in Cincinratti until yesterday, but you could say I've always lived in Ratlanta.

"Why would you say that?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because it's a lie."

"What are you, a spy?"

"I'm simply asking why."

"There's no need for you to pry."

"You were the one who said hi!"

"No way, I refuse to ratify."

"The truth's not something to deny."

"I was not the one to falsify."

"Crema, why are you such a gemini?"

"That insult came straight from junior high."

"I hate what you're trying to imply."

"Will someone get a load of this guy?" I say gesturing to the patrons who rose with me before while rolling my eyes.

"I think it's time we said goodbye."

"I agree with a sigh," I agree with a sigh.

After that extremely pleasant conversation, we stack our plates and cutlery into a replica of the Eiffel Tower - my favourite Ugandan tourist attraction - and get up to leave. Before we go, I order a Pumpkin Spice Latte and start sipping it.

Just then, the door chimes to signal someone has entered the most popular coffee shop/Italian fusion restaurant on campus - Rattucino - and Tar swaggers in.