madness, melancholy ✓

faded blue cadillac

faded blue cadillac 20.10.2021

I remember the first night I met you,
it was dark, but
the lights of your faded blue Cadillac
were brighter than all the stars combined

you stepped out in your good boy sweater,
your hair perfect; your dark blue jeans, rip-free
walking like you had it all under control,
and the butterflies
hit me straight in the gut.

all I wanted, all I ever wanted,
was to frazzle you.
to make that composure slip,
to make you scream, make you let go
to make you utterly helpless before me

like I was; before you, that fateful night
little did I know,
that by spending time trying to set you alight,
you'd be taking pieces of me, so slowly

that I wouldn't even notice until there
was nothing left.
falling for you was like driving you in
that faded blue Cadillac; starting slow
picking up slowly, so slowly

when we got to 120,
I hadn't even noticed; hurtling down the road
chasing down that sunrise, that butter cream
tuft encrusted in swirls of fuchsia and vermillion
all waiting at the end of the aisle, just an inch

out of reach,
but then I came to my senses,
and swerved
slammed the brakes
did everything I could

to get us away from the terrifying drop
that stood before our future.

but it was too late,
the brakes screeched,
our Cadillac went off road
slamming into an awaiting mountain
of a pain much worse than death

the pristine seats were wet with blood
yours and mine, mingled in a way it
otherwise never could

in a field of bleeding poppies,
inside a faded blue Cadillac,
we lay dying
because I was too afraid
to leap into our butter-cream sunset.

***