my heart and its musings

a letter to the man i never knew i loved

to, ________
hi my dear, how have you been? its been quite a while since we have spoken. Our lives have been busy, working away to build our dreams. I just want to say directly that you broke my heart unknowingly. I don't blame you at all sweetheart. I didn't know myself, that I loved you till we stopped interacting. You didn't know because I didn't hold the courage to spill out my heart's feelings. As much as I wanted to tell you, I knew that I didn't want to burden you with my feelings whilst you healed from your past. My dear, I have never seen someone love this much. I have never seen this much of longing for someone. My longing for you isn't as much as your longing for her. I could hear the pain in your voice when you were talking about her. I knew in that moment on, I wanted that love for myself. I was very selfish because I thought that if I helped you, you would see me. You would acknowledge me for helping you heal. You would love me. In a way, I am happy we didn't work out, my intentions came from a place of ego and a greed for love like that. But sometimes,I can't help but wonder if our lives would be different, if I did express my feelings. Would our lives been interwoven together? Would we have experienced the love we craved from each other? Or would we have destroyed each other? I don't think we will ever find out. Everytime you sent me a song, I listened to it till I knew every note, every lyric, every melody just in case we started a conversation about it. I started searching for you in the skies, the moon, the sun, everywhere. At some point, I grew tired of waiting, longing, and creating things that never existed. I grew tired of being the girl you never noticed till you needed. I grew tired of not being me anymore. As much as I tried to avoid it, you became a big part of me which I couldn't run away from. Its been a long journey of pain, realization and reflection.Now as I write this letter, these feelings have been long gone. I healed from it, I grew from it and I am glad I went through it. I am thankful that you broke my heart, because without you I would have never in my wildest dreams would have known what love ever means.

- i wish you happiness, forever and always. i'll love you from afar.

loves
the girl who loved