Tim Bradford, Lucy Chen: S4 Moments

Moment 7

Lucy POV

It was certainly something else to be this casual with Tim. She's not quite sure when it happened. It just did. It took her by surprise when of all things they were talking about, they were talking about her impending fertility and he seemed so casual about it. Not in an ignorant way either. Though she hated to admit it the car insurance analogy... held weight with her. It was ridiculous and raw. But it was Tim. He explained things based on personal skill and knowledge. It infuriated her to think of how considerate he was to not try and see the issue from her side because that was both physically and biologically impossible. The problem was that it made sense. Too much sense. The reason she rarely won a battle with Tim was that all of his arguments were logically sound. Though her argument and counterargument could be considered reasonable, he just always knew where to land the final blow. 

She wondered why she couldn't think of a less violently suggestive analogy. 

As it was with most cases, he was just looking out for her. It was subtle, but she could pick up on the hurt and longing when he talked about the plans he had made with Isabel. Not for Isabel, but for the children they had planned for. The way his tone had a slight inflection. The smallness of his voice. The abruptness of his movements. They were all little ways he subconsciously passed along the message. It was his dream that felt lost to him. She remembered that long-ago day when she, Nolan, and Jackson had still been rookies. Community outreach day. Jackson had told her about Tim, and how good he had been with the kids. It had taken a while, but she had finally figured out the basics of who Tim really was. He was a sincere man with a good moral compass. His mannerisms and temperament were the result of having to grow up too early and his desire to see that others could be well prepared for the situations that life in general, but mainly that life as a cop would involve.

It was also care over her dream. Yes. She, Lucy Chen, wanted children. Though she did not enjoy her mom meddling, it had always been about that aspect rather than the fact that she did not want children. Had it been an all-consuming desire? Or something she had planned for, like Tim and Isabel? No. But the idea grew on her. Especially after Tamara. She knew having children of her own would be different than caring for a nearly-independent girl. But it was something she knew she wanted. No peer pressure and no amount of expectations pushed it to be something she had to do. She wanted it. She knew, now, being a cop, and currently single, the timing was not right. There would come that day though, where everything fell into place and she would be ready to undertake the steps toward motherhood. It felt weird considering it. Considering who she was as a character and how headstrong she was. But she looked at Angela, who was just as independent as she was, if not more, and everything that her life had become. 

Tim had referenced his parents. She had been driving but could sense the way he stumbled around the topic. 

There are a lot worse out there. Trust me, I'm-- living proof that some people should not be parents.

As he had gone on to explain what had become of his plans with Isabel, she had been in the middle of making a sarcastic comment in response to his support of her mom's "just in case" plan. Then they hit the jacked-up zombie which effectively cut her off. Reflecting on it later though, she subtracted her opinion about the idea as a contingency and connected her future children with his poor parental models. Tim wasn't one for underlying messages, metaphors, or implied lessons. He called it like it was and said exactly what he meant. All at the same time, he was so damn hard to figure out which made him infuriating to her, but that was a topic for another time. So anything extra was all her own analysis. But in a way, she felt that Tim's support of the "contingency" was his way of giving her his vote of confidence. It was almost like he was saying that she would make a great mother. Maybe he wouldn't say great. Maybe he would never even say that at all. But she would take creative liberty, and assume that that was the message. 

Author's Note: 

1: Sorry for going MIA last week

2: If you haven't read these other Chenford fanfics already, you should! All on Archive Of Our Own:

Something In These Walls by doomedship

A Simple Chain by murphallo

Teflon Memories by magnoliamica