lost and found| Sarah Paulson

6

Friday 6/23/2021

You: What?! What do you mean you hired a lawyer? You don't even know me? Why are you trying to help me? My situation will never change. This is how my life will always be.

I feel myself start to rebuild the walls Sarah has been trying to chip away

Sarah looks down at me sadly while tucking a piece of hair behind my ear tenderly.

Sarah: Honey, I know I don't know you very well but that doesn't mean I don't want to help. I want a better life for you. You deserve a happy, healthy, and safe life. I want to help you find that.

You: But why me?

Sarah:  Remember what we were talking about? I feel connected to you. I don't know how or why, but I needed to see how this plays out.

I take in a deep breath, trying to process everything. Feeling sad that Sarah went behind my back but grateful that her intentions are pure. I know this will be a mess, it's not going to be easy. Is Sarah going to leave me if I even do get free? I don't want to go to foster care. Sarah notices I'm lost deep in my thoughts and gently grabs my left hand, softly stroking her thumb over my skin, trying to bring me back down to reality. I take a deep breath during my come down and look back up at her, staring deeply into her eyes.

You: What happens if I do get free? I-I don't want foster care. I-I don't want that.

Sarah gently squeezes my hand reassuringly and softly returns my deep stare, speaking to my soul to calm my fears.

Sarah: I won't let anything bad happen to you. Well figure out a plan when it comes time to that. For now, we need to talk about the present. Your lawyer, Jessie, would like to meet you sometime this week to file baseline paperwork and case material. Do you have somewhere you can stay in the meantime? A friend's house? A safe family members house?

I shake my head for no to answer Sarah's most recent question. Sarah takes a deep breath and nods.

Sarah: Okay kid, looks like you're staying here then.

My jaw drops and I shake my head for no.

You: What? Are you crazy? You're Sarah Paulson? I can't do that to you? I'd be a burden!

Sarah's face takes on a serious motherly expression.

Sarah: I won't have you being put in any danger, that's final. Plus, this will give us time to get to know each other. I have a feeling you're going to be seeing a lot more of me in the next months.

I look at Sarah like she's crazy. Why does she care so much about me, a stranger? She must be crazy. Who does that? What's my dad going to say when I don't come home? I start to get panicky thinking of what he'd do to me if I disobeyed.

You: What's my dad going to do? You know when I don't come home. What's he going to do? Who's going to get my stuff? I need my stuff!

Sarah: Richard is already grabbing everything from your house. Your father has been served an order of protection for you.

I look at Sarah confused. She really did all this, for a person she doesn't know. An order of protection? How'd she get that filed so fast? As if Sarah can read my mind she begins to answer my unspoken questions.

Sarah: I have some friends that work in legal here in New York. Never underestimate me and what I do for those I care about.

I look down at the my shoes in disbelief. Someone cares about me? Someone sees me? Someone wants to hear what I have to say?

Sarah looks at me and how I'm lost in thought again.

Sarah: You're a deep thinker huh?

I nod my head softly, a little embarrassed at how easily lost I can become.

Sarah: Hey, it's okay. I think a lot too. Tell you what, this was a lot. I dropped a big bomb on you, no one expects you to process everything right now. Why don't we get some dinner, you can think some more and then if you have any questions or concerns, we can talk through them.

You: O-Okay. I am a little hungry.

Sarah smiles widely, hoping food isn't one of my tools to self harm. She begins thinking of all the things she must learn about you in order to keep you safe. She stows away these thoughts for later and stand up from the couch, leaving me alone in the living room as she walks into the kitchen and pulls a blue phone book out of a drawer. Sarah walks back to the livingroom, sitting down next to me on the couch, handing me the phone book.

Sarah: Here kid, why don't you pick anything you want and then I'll call in our order?

You: Are you sure? I can pay you back?

Sarah shakes her head firmly for no.

Sarah: As long as I am here, you will be taken care of.

I look at her in disbelief before opening the phone book to the restaurants section, my eyes scanning over the tiny letters. Finally my mind settling on Roma Ralph's Pizza. I point to the restaurant and look at Sarah.

You: Do you like pizza?

Sarah giggles softly

Sarah: Like it? I love it! Good choice.

I smile widely and pull out my phone to Google the menu, we each decide to each order an individual pizza. Mine being plain cheese and Sarah's a plain vegan cheese.

I stand up from the couch as Sarah calls in our order. I walk around the hotel room checking out my new.. well my new home. Why did I trust Sarah so easily? I'm going to get hurt. Something about her makes my walls come down so quickly and easily. I need to try harder at keeping my walls barricaded.