The Playroom

#8: The Story

He took another drink of his water, placing the tumbler on the coaster on the coffee table. He turned back over to me with a smile.

"We have not vetoed any questions yet."

"Surprised?"

"A little." He said. "Some people aren't an open book so it takes a while for them to be comfortable enough to share things about themselves."

"Well I don't think either of us have really asked anything too personal yet."

"True." He nodded.

"It's your turn again."

He took a minute to think, before he finally asked his question. "Why don't you participate in scenes at your events? Yoongi told me that it's rare for you to actually participate outside of teaching."

I sighed, knowing that I'd have to explain this eventually. "It's just not the same anymore to me."

"What do you mean?" He asked, his eyes very interested in my answer.

"When you asked me about my last play partner; my dominate; we had a very intimate partnership. Or at least I thought we did." I searched Jin's eyes but he seemed very interested in my explanation. He gave such a calming aura that being in his presence didn't make me anxious or worried. "He was very affectionate. Which is what I like. But when you get praised like I like to be praised, there is a line between 'you're such a good girl' and 'my girl is so good for me.'" I explained.

"You mean, the relationship part?"

"Yes. He would say things that made me feel as if he really cared for Nova not just Gypsy. He called me his, and even though I was his play partner, the way he said it and the way he treated me outside of the kink world made me believe that it was more than just play. I had associated feelings and play together. So now when I play...I want to play with my life partner, not just a play partner. So it's hard for me to get into a head space where I can enjoy play because the people that I trust to play with aren't....mine."

"That's truly amazing."

I was not expecting that.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Forgive me, I mean that in the best way." He said sitting a little straighter. "I mean that you have felt that before. That deep of a connection that vanilla or kink, you were able to be that close."

"Well that's where you are wrong because he was not vanilla."

"At all?"

"Nope."

"Not even in his personal life?"

I shook my head. "This is the part of the story I don't like telling."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I will admit that my curiosity is peaked."

Though I paused, I decided that maybe it would be good to tell someone who wasn't there to experience it. "Though our partnership was mutually beneficial, we had some major differences in our interests. Which I had no idea about because he wasn't completely honest with me when we were negotiating playtimes." Jin's eyes went wide when I told him that, then his eyebrows furrowed together in annoyance. "That's not even the worst part, just hold on." I told him.

"I have a feeling I'm not going to like this."

"Well I would hope you don't." I admitted. "He told me that he was a regular dominate, and that he had no real preferences when it comes to his partners. I'm not a submissive. I don't have the discipline to be one. But being the bottom is enjoyable, and I usually play the part of a submissive without extremities. Which he told me was fine. But more often then not, he was ordering me around and not in the fun playful way I like. He wanted me to do things for him all the time; like service him. Not sexually. And I did it as a courtesy for a short while but then he started talking to me as if I was lower than him, and that I do not tolerate. I spoke up about it and told him that I would not be servicing him. If he wanted a real submissive then he needed to go find one. He assured me that he didn't, that he wanted to stay with me. During our vanilla life he would cuddle me, kiss me, call me babe, but in the kink life, he would constantly be pushing my limits. I'm okay with that, to an extent, but he was overdoing it. I wasn't enjoying playtime anymore, and he seemed to adapt to a more sadistic mind frame over time. I'm not a masochist. I don't enjoy pain, but I enjoy impact play. Do you get what I mean?"