One Bite ✓

[6] - Just go with the flow

[6] 

Just go with the flow.

Rory

What the hell was I doing?

I think I'd asked myself that question over a million times and could still come up with no reasonable answer. God knew why on earth I was leading Adam on, encouraging him in this cat and mouse game. Because whether I liked it or not, I was leading him on, because I still wasn't sure I was going to say yes to whatever he wanted – not to mention I was pretty sure he probably didn't want me half as much as I did him.

And wasn't that just fucking sad?

My hands curled into fists as I washed the dishes. It just wasn't fair. Why was he so perfect? Why did he have to suddenly realize he was bisexual, and I just happened to be the cause of that revelation?

Why couldn't he be in love with me, too?

It's been a week since Adam and I reconciled. He's been acting really weird lately. Only a blind person wouldn't notice it – the way he looked at me when he thought I wasn't aware. I'd caught him so many times just staring at me with a hot look in his gaze, his eyes roving hungrily over my body and just the thought of it made my cheeks flush and heat rush up my spine.

Or the other times I'd be doing something mundane, like doing work on my laptop, and I'd look up and catch him watching me with this horribly fond expression on his face that gave my heart a hope I tried valiantly to squash.

Some part of me was desperate – was saying, just take it! While the other half of me was fucking terrified of getting hurt.

I knew one thing though – if Adam was merely curious, then he just wanted sex, to know what it felt like with a guy. I knew that feeling all too well. When I was younger and first came out, my closest friend went through that 'curious' stage. It had hurt because he'd used me. After I'd poured my heart out to him, he'd used me and then said 'oh look, I'm not attracted to boys after all', not giving a fuck about how that had hurt me.

And I was absolutely petrified that history was going to repeat itself. Only this time, I wouldn't get over it in a week like I did back when I was younger, it would stay longer because I was more mature and my feelings for Adam had deepened in just the space of one week.

I'd reached that point where I just wanted to say 'fuck it' and drag him into my room and just get it over with just to see if that was all he wanted.

Sighing and mentally slapping myself, I quickly finished up with the dishes and then called upstairs, making sure my wallet and key were in my pockets, "I'm going to get a few things from the supermarket down the street!"

"Okay! See you when you get back, nerd!" Adam yelled back and I couldn't quite help the smile that stretched across my face.

Even though there was a little tension between us because of his 'supposed' attraction, things were somewhat back to normal now. He hadn't asked me out again, though, or even made a move on me, and it made me confused and, I reluctantly admitted, a little dejected.

I shook my head to dispel the annoying thoughts and plugged my earphones in, just to serve as a distraction before leaving the house, my strides quick. The supermarket was about a five minute walk away anyway but still, I knew I could think of a lot within five minutes. I focused on the music blasting in my ears, my eyes roving my surroundings like I'd never seen the ugly brick houses before, or the chipping paint of the walls of our neighbour's house.