Solid Gold - A Johnnyboy Fanfic

IX - Deep as the Sea

"Deep as the Sea"
Brown eyes, deep as a sea.
But they couldn't be.
The sea was blue,
but the eyes were brown.
But still they felt deep as a sea.
That's the way they should be able to be.
They were deep as a sea to me.

I wrote that poem about during English class one day. Although it was primarily about Johnny's eyes, the poem was truly about how it should be normal for me to like Johnny or even just guys in general, not wrong or unnatural. I guess I could be really deep sometimes. I'm not a writer or a poet, but expressing my feelings through poetry was easiest for me.

Poetry could be really cryptic sometimes, and when you don't want to face the reality of something layering it in poetry is always a solution. I wrote poems when I was in denial and wanted to believe something other than the truth. It never worked, but at least it consoled me.
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The whole week went by in a blur until Thursday.

Most of the time I was focused on not letting Johnny know I liked him romantically, I didn't want him to feel weird. But, at the same time I also really wanted to tell him I truly loved him, because he was my best friend and I usually told him everything. Unfortunately, I really wouldn't ever be able to tell him. There were too many complications.

Of course there was also the whole loves makes you crazy thing. It truly made me crazy. I couldn't keep my eyes or my mind off of Johnny. I would stare at him and admire his features ALL THE TIME. The gang caught me very frequently now, as much as I tried to hide it. This was because I was so focused on hiding my feelings from Johnny, I couldn't hide them from everyone else.

But then Thursday came. It started out as a completely normal day, I was mooning over Johnny all morning because he had worn this tan colored sweater that highlighted his muscles perfectly. He looked perfect so I can't really blame that girl for saying she liked him.

I was in the lunch line and I suddenly heard someone talking about Johnny.

"Hey y'know Johnny Cade in our geometry class?" a someone behind me asked her friend. I immediately turned to see who it was. I had seen her a few times before, she was pretty popular. She had blonde hair, blue eyes, and was dressed in very Soc-like clothing. Pretty much your typical "It Girl".

"Oh, is he that quiet one with the black hair?" her friend questioned.

"Yeah, total hunk right," She smirked, "I might ask him to the freshman square dance."

"Oh my Heather!" Her friend exclaimed, " He would be a cute dance partner."

So her name was Heather, very fitting.

I quickly paid for my lunch and stormed out of the cafeteria to meet Johnny. I was furious. Why did everything I cared about have to be taken away from me? I hated Heather's guts.

I saw Johnny sitting at a picnic table outside and rushed to meet him. I huffed as I sat down and pouted as I ate. I was just so jealous of Heather. I would have to start talking bad about her around Johnny.

"Geez Pone, you are in a bad mood," Johnny stated.
"Are you alright?" He asked a little louder.

"I'm okay Johnny." I sighed.

"You sure don't look it." he mumbled.

"It's just I really like this person and I found out that someone else likes them too." I spilled.

"Oh..." Johnny replied with what I thought was sympathy.

I needed to be more careful with what I said around Johnny. He was so smart and it was hard to try to keep things from him. He was really good at emotional detective work.
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That afternoon I went home holding back tears. Why couldn't Johnny be mine? Why did Heather have to like Johnny? Why wasn't life fair?

As I walked through the front door I saw Sodapop watching TV.

"What happened to you Pony? You look like somebody ran over your book." Soda asked.

"Im fine Soda," I retorted.

"Seriously what happened to you?" He exclaimed.

"Oh I'm just upset, I found out that someone likes my crush." I sighed trying to filter out any hints.

"I know what it feels like buddy." Soda sympathized.
"So what exactly happened? He wondered aloud.

"I just overheard someone saying that they wanted to take my crush to some school dance and they called them cute." I grumbled.

"Listen Ponyboy, I'm sure J-your crush cares more about you than some random stranger." Soda comforted.

"How do you know, you don't even know who it is?" I asked Soda suspiciously.

"I've had my fair share of experiences with crushes Ponyboy." Soda replied.

"Well that's confusing," I mumbled under my breath, or at least I thought it was under my breath.

Before I finished my sentence, Two-Bit and Dallas walked through the door and sat on the couch interrupting our conversation.

"What's up?" Dallas hollered.

"Well I just got here, but from what I know Ponyboy and Soda were having some weird conversation and now Ponyboy is confused." Two-Bit laughed acting like a smart alec.

"About him and Soda's conversation or about his sexuality?" Dallas inquired looking right at me.

I just sighed and tried not to explode.
"Can it Dallas." I warned.

"Now don't get wise." Dallas smirked.

I rolled my eyes at him and threw myself in the recliner pretending that he qdidn't bother me.

"Daaallas, that wasn't nice." Two-Bit scolded while laughing.

I might have really lost it if Johnny hadn't walked through right then. I subconsciously started smiling and my anger simmered down in record speed.

"Hi Johnnycake." I greeted him cheerfully.

"Of course now he's happy, once his cru-Johnny walks in everything is all lovey dovey." Two wheezed.

"That's enough Two, and same for you Dallas." Soda chided.

"What happened?" Johnny asked confused.

"Two and Dallas made some sick jokes is all." I huffed.

Thank goodness no one took Two-Bit or Dallas seriously, they were annoyingly accurate with some of their jokes.