Love After Love...

Chapter 62: "I feel it all with you."

~1 month later~

Jimin's POV:
Well, the past month was basically house hunting and 'Jimin, don't stress out. She will say yes.'

Self motivation was not getting me very far. But on the positive side, I had finally found the perfect house. Before I could day-dream about our lives in that massive apartment, a phone call from my agent pulled me out of my thoughts.

Jinyoung: "Hey, you know about the Annual Literary Awards tomorrow, right?"
JM: "Yeah. Not going. Why?"
Jinyoung: "I think you should. You never participate in these public events. You should go sometimes. It's good publicity if people see your pretty face once in a while."
JM: "Well, first off, thank you for calling me pretty. Secondly, not required, man. I have faithful readers who enjoy my work."
Jinyoung: "It's time you show them some gratitude by stepping out for such events!"
JM: "Ugh, fine, I'll think about it."
Jinyoung: "I got some news for you."
JM: "What?"
Jinyoung: "You're nominated for the poetry category."
JM: "Next time, lead with that."
Jinyoung: "Congratulations, Park. This will definitely bring in some new readers, even if you don't get the award. Please go."
JM: "Ugh, fine."
Jinyoung: "Thanks, man. You're the best."
JM: "Whatever."

I giggled and hung up. Well, Jinyoung could be a bit... let's say, eccentric, but he was a good agent.

"Hey, babe?" I called out to Jieun who was washing the dishes. "Yeah?" she called out from the kitchen. "C'mere a sec," I said. She came into the living room in her cleaning gloves, she still looked so adorable. "Yeah?" she said. "I just got a call from Jinyoung saying I just got nominated for the Annual Literary Awards in the poetry category," I said. "WHAT?!" she yelled. She ran into my arms and hugged me so tight. "You're still in your cleaning outfit, baby," I said, giggling but not complaining. Any chance I had of having her close, I was going to take. "I don't give a shit. I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!" she exclaimed. We shared a kiss.

"So, are you gonna go? I know you don't usually go for these things," she said. "Yeah, but Jinyoung says it's good publicity if I show my, quote-unquote, pretty face, once in a while," I replied. "Oh... that's nice," she said. "What?" I said. "I didn't say anything," she said. "Yeah but you've got this whole face you do when something tugs at you but you don't wanna say anything about it," I said. "Ugh, nothing," she said. "No, c'mon, tell me," I persisted. "Fine... Well, I don't want thirsty-ass girls drooling all over this, quote-unquote, pretty face," she said.

"Oh. My. God. Are you jealous?! Is the Jeon Jieun jealous?!" I said. "Not having this conversation with you, Park. Just tell me when we leave," she said, earning a laugh from me. "Tomorrow, 7pm. Wear something super nice. Don't wanna get jealous," I said, teasing. "Fuck you," she replied, smiling. "I'm sure you'd be happy to," I replied, smirking. She rolled her eyes and laughed.

~Next day, 7 pm~

Jimin's POV:
"Sweetie, is this dress okay?" she asked showing me a beautiful red dress. "Yeah, sure," I replied. "No, but, is it, like, the dress for the night?" she asked. "Honey, it won't matter that much," I said, looking up at her from the bed where I lay, watching her empty her entire wardrobe. "No, but it does matter!" she said, raising her volume a little. "Why?" I asked. "Because it's your night, I wanna look nice," she said. "Jieun, I know you too well for you to lie to me like that... What's the matter?" I asked.

She sighed. "I was serious about the jealousy thing yesterday," she said. I scoffed and said, "That can't be. That's ridiculous, love. Why would you think that?" "Well, it's not like it's the first time I've felt like this!" she said. "I think it is, it's the first time we're talking about it," I replied. "Jimin, I feel embarrassed to admit feeling insecure all the time, alright? We have a beautiful, loving relationship. It's sometimes got fights and I've got insecurities and those are imperfections, but I don't care, because the good times always outweigh the bad. I get insecure, because I know what kind of spiral I enter when I get conscious and too aware of myself. I worry there will be a prettier, better, more sorted and centred woman who can just sweep in and take you away from me. It's just that... I know how easy it is to fall in love with you and how difficult it is to fall in love with me..." she said.

I couldn't say a word. Did she not know how freaking crazy I was about her?

She continued, "I know I don't show it a lot, and that I only show you, or at least try to show you, my love and care, but that's because I don't want to show you anything other than that. Jealousy is not exactly one of the emotions I enjoy portraying. But it doesn't mean I don't feel it. I feel all of it with you. Even the negative stuff. I'm sorry if I've made our relationship not-that-perfect by admitting to all that."

"Baby... you have no reason to feel this way! I don't want perfect. I just want you. Jealousy and all. I know that there will be someone conventionally prettier, or smarter than you, but not to me! You are... the only one I have eyes for, Jieun. I'm so fucking in love with you, I could never find the words to express it and I could never portray it enough," I said.
She crawled up into my arms and sat on my lap. "I love you, too," she whispered and our lips met in an electrifying kiss.

Before it could escalate, "We will carry this forward, but for now, get ready, sweetie," I said. "Right," she said. "Are you wearing that black suit?" she asked. "Yeah, why?" I replied. "Guess I can surprise you with my dress then," she said. "What, no red?" I asked, smirking. "Nah, better to stick to classics sometimes," she replied, giving me a short peck.

~About 40 minutes later~

Jimin's POV:
Wow. 'Wow' was the only thing in my mind seeing Jieun in the most gorgeous black dress I had ever seen on her. She looked breathtaking. "And she says she's jealous," I said, giving her a short kiss, checking her out afterwards. "And she has reason to be," she replied, checking me out in return.

~During the awards ceremony~

Jimin's POV:
"And the award for 'Best Poetry of the Year' goes to... Park Jimin for 'Your loved ones'!"

Wait, what? I got it? I widened my eyes and turned to look at Jieun, already looking at me with the same expression. I stood up to go on stage to receive the award.

"Would you like to say a few words, Mr. Park?" the host said. I went to the podium.

"Uh... Wow. Okay, did not expect this. Definitely did not expect this. Okay, first off, congratulations to all the other nominees in this category. Secondly, thank you to the academy for thinking I was deserving of this award. Wow, this still feels so surreal, haha! And um... a massive 'Thank you' to all the readers who showed me their love by reading my work. You guys made this award possible... Speaking of people who made this award possible... I'd like to dedicate this award to two people. My father, Dr. Prof. Park Youngchul. He's not with me anymore, but he sure would've been so proud to see me win this award. He was a very very nice man. He had changed and transformed people's lives for the better. If I can have an impact to even half the amount of people as him through my work, I'd consider myself a successful man. This one's for you dad..." I paused and people applauded.

"And the second person?" the host said.

"Haha... On the topic of lives my father transformed, we reach the second person to whom I'd like to dedicate this award..." I said and my eyes locked with Jieun's.

She was already in tears and looked at me with so much pride.

I continued, "My girlfriend is in the crowd tonight. 'Your loved ones' was essentially about how there's all forms of love. Romantic love, paternal love, maternal love, love after loss and death, everything. Paternal love was very clearly covered by my incredible father, but the poems on romantic love were all about her. None of my work would've ever existed if it wasn't for her. I apologise to all the ladies here today, you are all gorgeous, but for me, my girlfriend will always, always be the most beautiful girl in any room. She's the most incredible woman I've ever known and I'm the luckiest guy on Earth to be able to spend every day of my life with her. I am in constant awe of how strong, independent, committed, hard working and beautiful she is. It's ironic; I'm a writer, but everytime I see her, I have absolutely no words for how she can be so spectacular. I love you."

Jieun was in tears. She lifted her hands to her face and imitated the clicking of a picture on a polaroid, denoting that this was a scrapbook moment for her. I giggled.

When I reached my table, she gave me a short kiss. "I hope you think of this moment whenever you start feeling insecure. The day I leave you will be the day I lose myself, Jieun," I said, earning a smile through those tears.