Insufferable || Jinson

30

OCT, 15TH

As he sits there on Jackson's bed, heart in his throat and hands feeling just a bit too clammy for his liking, he starts to wonder if he's made the right decision; if he's truly ready to talk, level-headedly, with Jackson.

"Hey," Jackson says, gently nudging him out of his anxious thoughts.

Jinyoung looks up and offers a weary smile, accepting the cup of tea from Jackson with both his hands, the steam visible under the tinted yellow light as it curls up and dissipates into thin air. He takes a sip to soothe his throat. Placing the mug down onto the bedside table, his attention catches on the whorls on the table, and he's tempted to concentrate on that instead of looking at Jackson. But of course, that wouldn't be the best way to go about this, so he looks over at Jackson who has seated himself next to him and tries to convince himself to stick this through instead of giving into the temptations to run away. 

The bit of space between them causes him to frown a little. Either Jackson's giving him literal space, or he's not comfortable being too close to Jinyoung.

Not that he could blame him for either of those reasons. 

"Are you going to break up with me?" he blurts out without thinking, and then quickly backpedals when Jackson stares at him with a bemused frown. "I mean, I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to, after all the shit I said that night. About me not trusting you, saying I'm not important to you. And then there was me doubting you. It's all so stupid, and I could have handled it so much better and I—" He's cut off when Jackson scoots closer to him and clasps his hands around his. He inhales, sharply, breath a little shaky.

"Baby, breathe," Jackson says, coaxingly, rubbing circles on the back of Jinyoung's hand with his thumb. "I need you to calm down. I'm not breaking up with you. That would be absurd."

Jinyoung swallows. "But I've been a prick," he says, voice sounding as small and shameful as he feels. "I would break up with me if I were you."

"Well, unfortunately you're not me," Jackson says. "And I can't say you weren't being a prick, but so was I, so we're even?" He brings a hand up to cup Jinyoung's jaw, and Jinyoung finds himself leaning into his touch, like it's a natural response.

He misses this. 

"I'm sorry," Jinyoung mumbles. "I was being unreasonable that day."

"Maybe you would have been more reasonable if you weren't sleep deprived," Jackson jokes, which, in spite of himself, draws a small chuckle from Jinyoung. His hand falls away from Jinyoung's face, returning to holding onto Jinyoung's hand instead, intertwining their fingers. Their palms press together, and Jinyoung makes a choked noise at the back of his throat because fuck.

He misses this, so fucking much, and he wouldn't have had to miss this if he had kept his cool and laid out his problems in a more reasonable, rational manner.

"But you weren't being entirely unreasonable. I did some reflecting, and you're right; just because something's not a big deal to me doesn't mean it isn't to other people. To you. I'm sorry for being so dismissive over it. And for calling you a coward. You're not a coward. I was just mad, and ended up saying some pretty hurtful things to you. You weren't being childish, either. I just... I'm sorry for hurting you. I'll do better."

Jinyoung looks away for a bit. "Well, you weren't exactly wrong. I tend to bottle everything up inside of me." His eyes flicker back to Jackson. "I shouldn't have lashed out like that." He shifts slightly to face Jackson better, pulling a leg up onto the bed and crossing it under his thigh. "I will admit, I took it personally when I found out the others knew about you applying for jobs overseas before I did. It... Hurt, and it confused me, and you just didn't really seem to care about it at all. Like, oh, going overseas? Staying overseas and getting a job there? It's all good, it doesn't matter.