Five months (One-shots)

I love you but... I can't do it

After two years of marriage Maya and Carina had finally decided to have children. The blonde had had her doubts at first, but when she saw the illusion on Carina's face she knew she would be willing to do whatever it took to make her happy. After much thought and several visits to a specialist, they decided that Maya would donate the eggs and Carina would be the one to carry the baby.

The process was quite hard for both of them, especially after the first time the process worked. Carina was barely a month pregnant when she woke up one night with a stabbing pain in her belly. By the time they got to the hospital it was too late. Getting over their loss took time, they both felt like a part of them had been ripped away. But no matter what, they stood together, supporting each other, proving that their love could overcome any obstacle that came their way. Or so they believed until that horrible day.

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- Maya! The family says a child is missing. Travis reported over the radio.

- How? The mother said they were all in the room. Maya replied.

- It seems that in the commotion she forgot that the little boy was in the basement. Said Andrea who was with Travis.

- Shit! Vic we have to find him now before the structure collapses. Maya shouted, pushing her way through the rubble and flames.

- Maya I found him! Vic shouted.

Seeing the little boy's body lying under one of the tables next to a toy car Maya and Vic ran to help him. Maya immediately covered him with her uniform and gave him her mask in the hope that the boy would regain consciousness. They ran to the exit as fast as they could, hoping the paramedics would save him, but it was too late, the little boy was dead.

Carina was waiting for Maya with a surprise dinner, she had received incredible news and wanted to surprise the blonde. She had everything ready for when Maya arrived, her heart was beating a thousand per hour, after their loss and several failed attempts she knew that this news would change their lives. What she didn't expect was that Maya would arrive with red, puffy eyes. Her gaze was lost, she refused to look her in the eyes and didn't say a word.

- Maya, Bambima, what happened? Are you hurt? Is anyone at the station hurt? Please talk to me. Carina pleaded, worried about his wife's condition.

She didn't want to push her, she wanted to give her her space, but something was wrong and she needed to show her somehow that she was there for her. So she sat quietly beside her, took her hand and with small movements of her thumb showed her support.

- He died. Maya blurted out, frightening Carina. - He died and I couldn't do anything to save him, he was just a little boy. She added in a whisper.

Carina immediately took her in her arms whispering sweet things in her ear, it broke her heart to see Maya so broken.

- I'm sure you did everything you could, you shouldn't blame yourself. Carina said, squeezing the blonde tighter.

- I know it's not my fault, it's her mother's fault. Exclaimed the blonde, pulling away from Carina and making her frown in confusion. - What mother forgets that her son is in the basement. I could have saved him if his mother hadn't assured me that the whole family was outside. She forgot, she forgot that the little boy was alone and I couldn't save him because it was too late Carina. Maya cried out, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Carina again took her in her arms, Maya's head resting on her chest as she gently stroked her scalp. Slowly Maya calmed down, Carina thought she had fallen asleep, but the next thing she heard broke her completely.

- I can't do this anymore, not again. Maya whispered.

Carina was confused.

- I can't lose another child Carina. I know we're trying again, but every time they say it didn't work my heart breaks into pieces. And I'm not sure I can handle another loss. Maya added, looking Carina in the eye.

- Maya, we knew this was going to be hard and it was going to take time, but we shouldn't give up hope.

- I don't think I can do it Carina. And what if I'm like that woman, what if one day I forgot my kid and ends up like that little boy. I would never forgive myself.

- You're not like that Maya, you're an amazing woman and I'm sure you'll be an even better mother. Said Carina, as she gently caressed the blonde's cheek.

- I'm sorry Carina, but I don't think I can do this whole having children thing.

- You can't just decide not to, there are two of us in this relationship Maya. You need to calm down and we'll talk when you're calmer. Carina exclaimed, trying to hold back the tears.

- Carina I love you, but I can't do it. Added the blonde before walking out of the room, leaving Carina alone with a broken heart. 

The next morning Carina woke up alone, she went to the kitchen looking for Maya but she couldn't find her anywhere. A horrible feeling invaded her, it didn't matter if they had fought or not, they never left the apartment without saying goodbye and I love you, it was a promise they made right after the wedding and they had always kept it. When she returned to the bedroom she noticed an envelope on the bedside table, instinctively a tear fell down her cheek.

Dear Carina.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry for not being the perfect woman for you. I swear I tried Carina, I tried because you are the perfect woman for me, I tried because I love you. I love you so much that I can't let you give up your dreams for me. I am broken Carina and you deserve so much better than me, you deserve the world, you deserve to have a family and all the children you want, you deserve to be happy and I can't make you happy.

Please don't look for me, I know you will find the right person, because you are the most amazing woman I have ever met and anyone who has you in their life should feel blissful.