Five months (One-shots)

I love you but... I can't do it (part 3)

- You really don't understand Maya. Carina murmured with her eyes fixed on the blonde. - Don't worry, I'll go back to Italy, I knew coming back to Seattle was a bad idea. She said before turning around and walking away leaving Maya alone.

A week later...

Maya had had the worst of weeks, the image of the man kissing Carina's cheek and playing with Andrea came to her mind over and over and over again and it made her angry, then she remembered Carina's words telling her how much he had hurt her by abandoning her and she hated herself. She hated herself for being such a coward, she hated herself for abandoning the one person who had made her feel loved and special, she hated herself for giving up on the love of her life.

She had found out from Vic and Travis that Carina was going back to Italy the next day and that made her feel so much worse, not only had he broken her heart six years ago, but now she was completely pushing her away from her friends, her family and her life in Seattle. So she did what she usually did, she ran, she ran to forget, she ran to run away from her emotions. Before she knew it she was standing in the doorway of her old apartment, the one she once shared with Carina. She still had the keys, after six years the apartment was still empty, Maya thought Carina had sold it before returning to Italy, but upon returning to Seattle she learned that the apartment was abandoned and she never had the courage to go back.  

As she entered the first thing she noticed were many envelopes under the door, apparently they were still getting mail, she picked them up and placed them on the table. She walked around the apartment remembering all the good times she had had with the Italian woman, a small smile formed on her lips. After a few minutes she was about to leave, but the envelopes on the table caught her attention. Upon closer inspection she realized that all the envelopes had been sent from Italy with her name as the addressee. She took a deep breath and opened the envelope with the oldest date on it.

Dear Maya, 

I don't know if you will ever read this letter but you have to know. In your letter you told me that you were leaving me because I deserved to be happy, because I deserved to follow my dreams, because I deserved to have a family and you could never give it to me. How wrong you were Maya, you were my family, you made me the happiest woman in the world. I wanted nothing more than to be with you even if it meant not having children, but you didn't consider my opinion, you left me without even letting me speak. That day I had a surprise for you, I had been given some news that would change our lives completely. I was so happy, I had prepared your favorite dinner and I had everything planned to give you the news, I was sure it would be the happiest day of my life, after our wedding of course, but how wrong I was. I am writing you this letter because even if you don't want to know, you deserve to know. Our last attempt to be mothers worked, I am pregnant Maya, we will have a baby. I know you think you will be a terrible mother and that scares you, but I know you won't be, because I have never met anyone with a heart as big as yours. I don't expect you to come running to Italy to find me, although I would love to, I don't even know if you will read this letter, but I want you to know that I love you Maya and I will love this baby more than anything in the world. 
Love Carina.

And inside the envelope was the pregnancy test that Carina planned to show Maya that day. Maya couldn't hold back the tears, her mind was spinning. She reached for the next letter and began to read like crazy each one in chronological order.

Dear Maya,I've been in Italy for two months now, who knew that the place that once felt like home to me now feels so lonely. I miss waking up with you in our bed, in our home, wrapped in your arms. I don't know if I'll ever feel like this again, if I'll ever feel like I belong in a home again. Now the only thing that keeps me going is our girl, yes Maya we will have a baby girl, I bet she will be just as beautiful as you.
Love, Carina.

In the envelope next to the letter was a picture of the ultrasound they gave her the day she found out her baby was a girl.

Dear Maya, I thought nothing could ever top the happiness I felt on our wedding day, but yesterday proved me otherwise. Andrea Marie Deluca was born at 4:30 in the morning, an early bird just like her mother. I named her Andrea after my brother, I miss him so much, I wish he was here with me. I feel so alone Maya, everyone I have ever loved has left me or died. But I know my baby will never leave me and I already love her so much that I know I don't need anyone else by my side to be happy. She is my whole world, the first time I saw her I felt like my heart was beating out of my chest, she is so tiny and so fragile, but she is so beautiful. I hope someday you can meet her and love her as much as I do.
Love, Carina.

A picture of Carina in the hospital bed with the baby in her arms, taken by one of the nurses was enclosed with the letter.