Five months (One-shots)

Dancing with your ghost

So, yesterday I was driving and the song "Dancing with your ghost" came on and out of nowhere I started thinking about Marina and I almost cried, so when I got home I immediately had to write this story. 

Sorry in advance 💔💔

Do you ever feel like screaming at the world, yelling at the sky at the top of your lungs? I really don't know if I want to scream at it to reclaim everything it has taken from me or if I want to scream at it and beg it to let me hold you in my arms again, even if it's just for a second. To be able to feel your warmth, your scent, the beat of your heart while we move to the rhythm of the music, and I hum in your ear the lyrics that no matter how romantic they may be do not describe in the least all the love I feel for you.

I remember the first time, the first time we experienced that moment together and how little by little you allowed yourself to break those barriers and experience that freedom with me.

Flashback

- Honey I'm home!

Maya walked into the apartment she now shared with Carina, they had been living together for a month and Maya was more grateful every day to be able to come home and see Carina lying on the couch, mixing ingredients in the kitchen, or having a glass of wine at the dining room table.

Maya got no response, so she headed to the kitchen in search of the Italian. A soft melody invaded the room and her jaw almost hit the floor as she witnessed the scene in front of her. Carina wearing only lacy panties and Maya's SFD shirt, her long tanned legs exposed as she moved softly to the music. No matter how many times Maya had already seen Carina with no clothes, every time she saw her, her heart raced, and she swore that Carina was the most beautiful woman that existed on the fucking planet.

Carina noticed the blonde's presence, when Maya hugged her back and rested her jaw on her shoulder, sending shivers down the Italian's spine.

- You're home! Exclaimed Carina, turning immediately to look the blonde in the eyes.

- Yes I'm, and you look so good with my shirt. Replied Maya leaving a small kiss on Carina's lips.

- I'm glad you liked it because I plan to keep it. Carina added with a wink, before turning away and continuing with what she was doing.

Minutes later Maya found herself gawking, watching from the dining room as Carina danced to the music, her hips swaying smoothly around the room. Maya was not used to such displays, the freedom with which Carina wiggled her body while preparing dinner was a completely unfamiliar act to her. At home, during her childhood and youth, any activity that did not involve winning a medal was forbidden. Every night was the same, his mother would prepare dinner without saying a word and then everyone would sit at the table to eat in complete silence, no one dared to speak, much less listen to music or dance. It was a monotonous and boring activity to which she had become so accustomed that even after moving out on her own, dinners were prepared and eaten in silence. Until Carina came along and turned her world upside down.

- Come dance with me. Carina pleaded, reaching out her hand to the blonde and pulling her out of the bubble she was in.

- I don't dance. Maya quickly replied.

- Come on, just one song. For me. Added the Italian with pleading eyes. – Please, please, please!

- Ughh! You know I can't say no to you. Grumbled Maya taking Carina's hand.

Carina's smile was so big that Maya's heart felt like it was spinning a thousand times. Carina wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist and Maya immediately responded by placing her arms around Carina's shoulders, bringing their bodies as close together as possible. Carina slowly guided their bodies, moving to the rhythm of the music with Maya in her arms. At first the thought of breaking out of her monotonous routine terrified her, but the fear disappeared the instant her body came in contact with Carina's. The soft hands that caressed her and Carina's sweet humming in her ear, caused the blonde to close her eyes and relax, her body let go and her soul felt at peace. There at that very moment Maya discovered that her favorite place was in the Italian's arms, Carina was her home and she needed nothing more than her presence to feel free, safe, and loved.

Flashback End

Screaming is not enough. Every night I lay awake trying to convince myself that everything will be alright, that I'm alright. That if I scream louder, that if I beg the sky harder maybe it will allow me one more second with you. Maybe it will give us back that chance it stole from us, the chance to say our last goodbye. The chance to give you one last kiss, the chance to tell you how much I love you, the chance to hold you one last time.


Flashback

All the hospital screens were playing the news, a five-alarm fire, an orphanage with more than 50 children was on fire. Sirens could be heard coming and going from the hospital, ambulances were arriving with little bodies covered in burns and some firefighters with minor injuries. The fire was advancing rapidly, putting the lives of the little ones who could not get out in danger, they had to act fast, be faster than the flames that were devouring the place. Maya was fast, she trained all her childhood and adolescence for it, it was her duty as a firefighter and as a citizen, saving the lives of those little ones was in her hands. And without hesitation she entered the burning building, running as fast as possible to save the trapped children and be able to return home to the arms of her beloved wife at the end of the day.

Carina rushed out of the operating room after helping a mother welcome her twins. She wanted to feel happy for the woman and her babies, but she felt a tightness in her chest that wouldn't let her breathe. Since she saw the news and knew that Maya was in the middle of a catastrophe, she tried to get in touch again and again with no success. Then she was called to assist with the patient's delivery and had to pause her search for a couple of hours, but all she could think about was Maya and if she would be safe. So, her first reaction upon leaving the OR was to run to the ambulance bay and to the ER to see if she could get news of the blonde with any other firefighters.

Arriving at lobby to her surprise she found all the members of station 19, tears in their eyes and red cheeks covered in ash. Her eyes scanned the place, something was wrong, something was really wrong, her chest shrank, and she felt a pang in her stomach. Her gaze met Victoria's; tears were streaming down the girl's cheeks as she held up a red helmet with the last name DeLuca-Bishop engraved on it. Carina moved her gaze to the helmet and back, took a breath of air and gathered all her strength to ask the question.

- Where is she? She whispered so low it was barely audible.

- Carina I'm... I'm so sorry.

At those words Carina's world collapsed, her legs trembled, and she could no longer support herself, she fell to her knees. Her heart broke into pieces and the tears wouldn't stop falling. In the blink of an eye the entire team was around her trying to comfort her, but all she could see were spots moving around her, she felt the walls closing in, her breath was short and suddenly everything went black.

Flashback End

It's been a year and I know I gotta move on, but it hurts so much to try. How am I supposed to love again? To trust again. To give my heart away again, when it still belongs to you, when every part of my body longs to see you again. Every night I put the record on and wait to hear our song. Sitting alone in the dark I remember you didn't like to dance, but you did it every night with me, because you knew how happy it made me feel. I still dance every night. Every night I'm dancing with your ghost Maya.