╭Lamented╮

Chapter 10

Karin

The memories of the day I broke down in front of Toshiro came flooding back. He comforted me the same way he had done a while ago. I remembered a promise that had become nothing but bitter irony. It was a promise that was broken, yet ironically it had come true in a cruel way. 

I knew it wasn't possible anymore, so I desperately counted this encounter as their promise. I desperately told myself there was still time.

But my time would be up. 

I knew it.

Toshiro's constant comforting words - saying things like 'it will be fine' - was a white lie. His absence was both the cause of my relief and anxiousness. I wondered what he was doing. He said it was important. 

My eyes' vision was unfocused and my chin began aching from the pressure of my knee against it. My arms kept tightening around my knees. 

I didn't know if I should be ashamed that I wanted to hug Toshiro again or not. Just minutes ago, it felt like a taboo to even touch his shoulders. 

Sure, we would have some form of casual physical contact, but it was minor things. Shoulders and feet slightly touching, accidental contact of hands and things like that. 

Now, I just wanted to hold onto him a little bit longer, because of this awful wave of fear. It made me feel like a coward again. 

Where's Toshiro?

"Um," I heard a gentle voice. "Are you okay?"

My eyes focused on the person from before. Ichigo's friend's sister - I noted. She must be involved in Ichigo's life to an extent if she's hosting for Soul Reaper's and a spirit on the verge of becoming a hollow. 

"I wonder how long I can hold on," I mumbled without much thought to it. 

"You look exhausted from fighting back for so long," she said worriedly. Her concern amazed me; I was a stranger to her. She might have guessed who I was related to, but that amount of concern in her expression - and voice - wasn't meant for a spirit with no relations to her. 

Your brother's friend's dead sister. Or maybe I could go as far as saying 'crush'. It would make more sense, but it was more possible to say she was just a kind-hearted person. 

I looked away from her, "Where's Toshiro?"

A somber smile had appeared on her face. "You're... Karin. Karin Kurosaki, right? Kurosaki-kun - Ichigo's - little sister?"

"That's me," I answered tiredly. I felt exhausted as she said. I wasn't surprised nor confused by her sadness and worry. But I wondered why she brought it up. I thought about it, but didn't like my conclusion. 

It can't be, right? 

And if that was it, it made everything feel even more real. 

This was really happening.

"You should rest," she said. 

But before I could respond in any way, the doors slammed open. Both of us snapped our heads towards the sound. And, as I thought, he was there. 

He was panting from his most-probable rush. Behind him, Toshiro was telling him things like 'waiting'. I was grateful for his effort; he knew I wasn't ready to face him. 

My brother, who could only stare at me with wide eyes, stepped forward. "Karin," he uttered. At the moment, I barely registered that other lady from before entering too.

My breath hitched. He was right in front of me. 

Breathe. I repeated, but my breathing couldn't go back to its steady pattern. Breathe.

I can't breathe--

A hand was placed on mine. I looked at Inoue with surprise. Her gesture brought some sort of comfort. It was enough for me to calm my breathing, but too much for me to think back to my cowardly thoughts.

This is really happening. 

Is he mad at me for hiding? Is he disappointed? 

Am I going to hurt them all over again like I did when I died? When I leave--

"Kurosaki," I heard Toshiro say in a warning tone. "Wait," he ordered. The Ichigo I knew would argue, but Toshiro managed to convince him. There was the possibility that I offended Ichigo by acting as if I feared him too.

Toshiro slowly approached me and Inoue let go of my hand. 

I felt like a child. I had shamelessly lifted my arms to reach for him. Despite his unsure look, he complied. He hugged me, but this time, lifted me up to stand too. 

I really felt like a child. My body felt heavy, which would explain Toshiro's tight grip. I wasn't sure if he felt embarrassed on both of our behalves.

"I apologize for not talking to you first," he started in a whisper, "but I think now is the only time you could clear things up. It's a better substitute for our promise."

"Didn't you want to keep that promise?"

"I have had enough time to be selfish," he said, but his tone gave away everything. He'd sacrificed his time with me. It was... sad. That was the only adjective I could come up with. "You should talk to him. Trust me on this."

"But what if--"

Toshiro moved his hands to my shoulders. "Ask him yourself if that is what he feels. If that is what your family feels. There is no use in lamenting the what-ifs." He turned me to face my brother, "Look at him. Does he look like he resents you?"

No. He doesn't. He looks worried - bewildered even. His narrow brown eyes was on the verge of becoming teary. Ichigo seemed to be barely holding himself back and the moment we made eye contact, his patience must have runout.

I was soon engulfed in a hug.    

"I'm glad to see you."

Tears blurred my vision.