fear love² | rafe cameron

three

»For you, I'll risk it all« -Grace Shoupe

As I was about to start reading the letter, I heard a thudding noise on my window pane.
I startled and looked in the direction of my window in confusion. Just then as I looked I saw small individual pebbles being thrown against the pane.

I put the letter and picture frame aside and walked slowly toward the window until I recognized Sarah in the dim evening light. With the sleeves of my sweater, I wiped the tears from my face and pushed up the window.

»Sarah?« I asked my best friend who was standing downstairs in the front yard, almost ready to throw pebbles at the window again before I opened it. She grinned broadly at me and held the bag up in the air that had alcohol in it.

»I can't« I replied, pointing my broken, plastered arm in the air.
»Come on« she tried to persuade me.

I bit my lower lip and nervously tapped my fingers on the windowsill, hesitating if the decision I was about to make was the right one.

»Give me five minutes« I whispered to Sarah and as confirmation that she understood me, she gave a thumbs up and walked to the main entrance of the house with the bag the alcohol was in.

I slid the window shut and hid the letter and picture frame in my nightstand drawer. Then I pulled my pajama pants over my leggings and tied my hair up in a messy chignon.

»I think I'll go to sleep now« I mumbled, pretending to yawn as I entered the kitchen and leaned against the door frame.
»Okay, you do that. Do you want me to bring you up some more soup before you go to bed?« asked Veronica as she stirred the wooden spoon in the pot.

»No, thanks« I grinned at her and wished her a good night before I left the kitchen and slowly tiptoed across the parcel floor.

Veronica turned up the radio and this was my chance to leave the house without getting caught. So I grabbed my shoes from the shoe rack and opened the front door as quietly as I could.

When I managed to get out of the house without any noise, I closed the door as quietly as possible and took off my career pajama pants, hid the pants in the bike basket and put on my sneakers.

»Boooo« Sarah startled me from behind and I winced so hard I almost screamed in shock and my plan and I were busted.
»Oh my God, are you crazy?« I held my hand over my heart.

»Come on, we have to go« she said, pulling me behind her by my healed arm.
I wasn't sure how to feel about Sarah's behavior. She is taking this all so well and acting like the incident with Rafe never happened.

Sarah and Rafe have never had such a good relationship and fought every day but I thought it would show a little but even I couldn't figure her out.
It seemed like she had built a wall and was trying to cover up her feelings by pretending that everything was fine.

»Did you know?«
»Knew what?« I asked Sarah as we ran along the side of the road and you could already see John B's cabin from a distance.
»Grace, don't pretend« she said, nudging me with her elbow.

»No, I didn't know« I said with full determination and I felt like the more I was asked if I knew Rafe killed a cop, the more I started to believe myself, not knowing he required someone.

»Did you?« I asked her.
»No« she quickly interrupted me, tucking her hair behind her ear.

»Look who I have brought« Sarah called out to our best friends who were sitting around a campfire in front of John B's cabin.
With a big smile on my face, I came out from behind Sarah and greeted all my friends and sat down with JJ who saved me a seat and held out a can of beer.

Some time passed and for some moments it felt like the old days, or so I thought. JJ and Pope were playing some weird game that they had to face each other and try to push the other over.

John B was gathering branches around the property for the campfire and Sarah and Kie were inside making something to eat while I watched the two boys.
»Is everything okay, Grace?« came John B with branches coming up behind me and throwing them into the campfire, causing the flames to grow bigger and little sparks to fly through the air.

»Huh?« I asked him confused and he switched his gaze between my face and my leg.
I looked at my leg and realized I was nervously tapping the ground the whole time, unintentionally.

»Oh, um... yeah« I laughed awkwardly and stopped tapping my leg on the floor and looked at John B innocently.
»Woah Grace, your forehead is hot« said John B as he placed the back of his hand on my forehead and then on my cheeks.

»It's fine« I stroked my face with my hands and felt the sweat on my temples.
I wasn't quite aware why I had all these things at once and why I was so nervous. My guess was that I needed to take the pills that I have to take throughout the day.

»Dinner is ready« Kie came out with a casserole dish and behind her Sarah with a tray with plates and silverware on it.

Everyone sat down around the fire and I got up to assist Sarah and Kie.
»Woah, careful Grace« Pope said as I stood up and lost my balance for a moment and almost fell on the floor.

»It's all good, okay?« said I irritably as everyone looked at me worriedly as if something else had happened to me.
I sat back down on the wooden beam and ran my hands through my hair, fidgeting nervously with my leg.

»Grace« Kie said carefully and I looked up at her to see her holding a plate of casserole in front of my nose.
»No thanks« I grinned briefly, biting my fingernails.

»Come on, you need to eat« Kie tried to coax me into eating something. The buyout smelled incredibly delicious but I felt like I had eaten bricks and my stomach felt so heavy and full, like nothing would fit in it.
„Yeah, fine" I said and rolled my eyes.

»Damn it« Sarah exclaimed, shaking her hand.
»What happened?« said John B and ran over to Sarah and looked at her hand.

»That looks nasty, I'll get you a band-aid« John B asked her and she smiled at him briefly.
»Wait. I'm going« I called to the two of them and put the plate next to me that Kie made me take and ran into the cabin.

I needed a short break from the situation I was in until just now, I didn't know how to help myself any other way and I would have loved to go and cry.

It was one of those evenings when I missed Rafe more than usual. I felt as if all the moments were replaying in my head over and over again, his face, everything.

I ran into the cabin and opened the door right next to the door that led to his father's office and looked in the cabinets.
When I found a box of Band-Aids and a pair of scissors to go with it, I cut a big chunk off.

I put everything away and when I went to put them back on the shelf, the box fell to the floor and the plasters were scattered on the floor.

As I got down on my knees to collect them all I saw a box on the shelf where pills of all kinds were inside.
»No, No, No« I said quietly to myself in a shaky voice and nervously bit my lower lip to look for the pills that I knew would calm me down and I could forget everything around me.

»Shit« I said and reached over to the box to look for the green and yellow capsules and all of a sudden I saw them.
An orange cylinder shaped box with a white lid was in the box.

»Grace?« called John B from behind the door and I quickly looked at the door lock to make sure I had locked it.
»Coming« I said and twisted the lid off as fast as I could and put one in my mouth and rinsed it down with water from the tap.

I looked up in the mirror and stared at myself. »Fuck« I started crying and leaned my forehead against the bathroom mirror.

What am I going to do without Rafe?

Little Note: Stay tuned for the next chapters!! I am so excited what you'll think about the plot <3