(The episode opens up to a shot of Heaven's golden gates. The gates open and "Cherub Towne" is shown. Cletus flies in front of the camera)
Cletus: Well, howdy! I'm Cletus! Welcome to Heaven! Guess you did something good to get here, and good people deserve to give loved ones special blessin's!
(The cherubs sing their jingle, then the Cherubs appear on a small old fashioned TV. Blitzo blasts the TV with his flintlock pistol, and it explodes)
Millie: Nice one, B!
Blitzo: Gimme another, Mox!
Kane: I'll give it a nine
Loona: He aimed. Seven
(Moxxie nervously sweeps away the flaming debris and puts another old fashioned TV onto the stand. He turns it on with a scared look on his face. The 666 News logo appears. Blitzo pours gunpowder into his flintlock)
Blitzo: Eh, nah. Not feelin' it. Next!
(Moxxie switches the channel. A demonically dressed Betty Boop appears in black and white, dancing erotically with taped tiddies holding a pitchfork. Blitzo and Millie look bored)
Blitzo: Uh-huh. Keep going, keep going, keep goin'...
(Moxxie switches the channel again. Wally Wackford appears on the screen dressed in white with a black top hat, holding a cane)
Wally: I say, I say! Are you lookin' to get work making crazy contraptions and goofy gadgets? WELL, call me at Wacky Wally Wackford's Wacky Idea Factory! Where you make the things and I make the money! Please! I'm very desperate!
Blitzo: Bingo!
(Blitzo shoots and explodes the TV again)
Kane/Loona: Eight
Millie: WOO! You're on a roll, sir!
Loona: Guys... Do you feel that?
Blitzo: Oh, shit! Is that a hellquake?
Moxxie: That's possible?
Millie: Alright! Don't panic, Moxxie!
Moxxie: I'm not "panicking," because hellquakes don't happen
Kane: YOU NEED TO STAY CALM!
Loona: STOP GETTING HYSTERICAL, FATTY!
(Loona hits Moxxie against the wall before he is knocked down further by what appears to be a wrecking ball made of black tubes. Part of the wall crumbles on top of Moxxie. The smoke clears and a supervillain demon enters the room through the hole. Loona growls on all fours, and Kane holds a few ninja stars behind his back)
Loopty: Do not be afraid!
Blitzo: Please tell me you got that insurance thing.
(Millie takes out a sharp black axe)
Millie: Who are you, and what do you want?!
(Loopty Goopty slides along the black loops before he does a villainous pose between the imps)
Loopty: I am Loopty Goopty! Dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopiiiiiish!
Loona: Coulda just used the door, dude. Doesn't need to be this whole thing.
Loopty: I am eccentric, and must therefore do eccentric shit!
Blitzo: Ugh! This old fuck reeks of the living world. Did you just die?
YOU ARE READING
Just a helluva boss fanfic
FanfictionThis is a timekiller project to just kinda procrastinate on my other stuff and make my college classes go by faster
