The Prologue

4: Empty

The funeral was short, tears being spilled on a heavy black casket. A few songs playing softly, while people tell stories about the girl in the casket, her lifeless body inside laying still behind them. Deep frowns on old faces, tear-stained cheeks flashing before people's eyes. Hands being held tight for support, as the small group of friends and family walks in the graveyard, making their way towards a new grave. 

The body being lowered into the ground, roses being spilled on a coffin, and filling up the grave, as it's no longer empty. 

Soft chatter being heard as people leave, most of them being stuck in a painful silence. Small black flags on cars, while they make their way to a small restaurant. Numb looks on cousins faces, pain clear in everyone's eyes. Emptiness in people's stomach's, not being able to be filled with the food their having. 

Trying so desperatly to think this is all a bad dream. But the pain in their heart, showing people that all of this is real. That their beloved friend, daughter, sister, and cousin, was in fact, dead. 

And when all of the tears had been spilled, stories had been told, and pain and sadness had passed been passed on, everyone went home. To an empty house or hotel room, or just a small house with their husbands, wives and children.

Jensen, Syd and Amell had gone down to the small lake they'd go to in the summer. It was surrounded by trees aand warmth, now being covered with the soft october breeze. Tears, feeling like they turn into ice on the pecan brown cheeks of the hopeless, broken girl in the middle. 

This was a place where the four of them had spent so much time, laughing, talking, and swimming. Now it's just three, crying, whispering words of assurance. One single question, floating around in the cold air. No one daring to choke out those words, all knowing that there would be no answer. Why does life have to be this way?

So hard, so stressful, filled with so much heartache. So much deep frowns on people's faces, so much hate. Anything but inner peace. True happiness. Nirvana.

No one ever feels it, and if they do, they've gone through so much to get there, you wouldn't even wanna know what. And Sydney knew that. She was always the most wise out of the group. Speaking with so much expierence at such a young age. She knew that in order to find true happiness, she's have to go through hell. Every ounce of it. Without pain, there is no happiness. 

She knew that she should keep fighting, even when every inch of her is begging to give up. Because if you stop fighting, it will never get better. 

It's like reading a book. There's a part that you hate, it just doesn't feel worth reading. But if you keep reading, you'll get to the part that you love. And when you finish it, you will look back at that book with a smile, because the good parts overpower the bad parts. If you stop at the part that doesn't feel worth it, you will look back at the book with distaste. 

And that is why Sydney will get through it, everyone else did. All her idols, all the adults. They got through it, and she can too. She can get through her book and look back with a smile. 

So that is what she tells her two friends, who are sitting next to her, sharing warmth as a cold breeze runs down their spines, and Amell asks 'if everything is going to be okay'. 

The boy knows that it's impossible to know, but he hopes for a bit of comfort, knowing Syd always has something good to say. 

In that way, Amell was always the hope of the group, the one who always looked on the bright side of things. Sydney was the wisdom. No matter what, she had something wise to say. Sometimes she would just baffle her friends with bullshit, a bunch of words strung together into sentences, her wide vocabulary making it seem like she knew what she was saying. And Jensen was the support, the protection. He was a sort of leader. Always protecting them, and swinging his strong arms around people's shoulders. 

The boys smiled at Syd's words. Knowing they would be strong. In reality, they knew that no one was actually strong, no matter how hard they tried to appear that way. Everyone had their weaknesses, and the world was just a string of bodies with broken souls and too much tears to shed. One day, if you'd leave people only too long, they would break. 

Everyone overthinks. And everyone is okay, but when you leave them alone, they're not gonna be. They'll think too much and drown in their own thoughts, fears and doubts. Some people can hide, some people show. No one does on purpose, out of fear of being judged. Which comes from too much thinking. So as long as you keep talking, to Syd, to your friends, to anyone at all, they're okay. Just for that moment. If you just know not to hurt them, with the things you'll say. Distract them from their thoughts, and they'll be okay. 

Because after all, the biggest monster is our brain. The brain, looking so innocent, helping you stay alive. But when it gets you alone, in your room or like Syd, by a lake, your brain will show how much pain it can bring. In a way, the brain is what makes peace, but is also the one to break it. It sometimes drives people to break the peace and silence, that other brains have tried so desperatly to make. 

The brains are the brains behind everything good and bad. They have decided what's good and what's bad. They make and break their own rules. They sometimes don't agree with other brains. Maybe yours doesn't agree with what mine is saying right now. 

And that's why Sydney is scared to be alone. She thinks too much and needs a distraction. She can do anything, if only her brain wasn't slowing her down. She knows what she's done right and she knows what she's done wrong. She knows when to blame herself for something, and when it's not her fault. She can picture what it's like for someone else, and that is why she can forgive. But she knows that when she's done thinking, her brain will never be. So she cuts it off, with giving it sound. Sound to focus on, to distract it from thinking too much. She talks with people, or listens to music. 

And that's why she knows how to stay alive. It's all about controlling her brain. Finding it's weaknesses and using them when it does too much. Going against itself and not letting it win.