Trying To Stop The Bleeding

Chapter Five - Scars

Josh and I were sitting in the corner of the bar, drinking beer and eating dinner.  Josh ordered a burger and fries, and the smell made my stomach cramp with hunger.  I looked down at my plain garden salad and poked at it with my fork.  You're ugly, I thought, as I started the usual argument with myself. It's not like any of this is staying down so why shouldn't I order something that at least tastes good? No, Lucy, stop being a pig and eat your fucking salad.

"So," Josh said slowly, breaking me out of my thoughts. "You're name is Lucy, you like Marianas Trench, and you're sexy as hell.  Tell me something else about yourself."

I blushed.  Guys never call me sexy.  That's because you're ugly as fuck, the bitch in my head mocked. "Shut up," I muttered.

"What?" Josh asked, confused.

"Sorry, nothing," I could feel my cheeks burning red. "There's not much to know about me, really.  I'm studying to be a psychologist, but my friend Jess tells me it's not going to work out 'til I get my own shit together."

Josh frowned, "Don't let anyone stand in the way of your dreams, Lucy.  I think you'll make an awesome psychologist."

I smiled and said shyly, "Thank-you." No one had ever treated me as kindly as Josh was now.  He was a true gentleman.  Snap out of it, Lucy.  This is Josh Ramsay, for God's sake.  You're just another fan.  If anything, he'll take you home, fuck you, and then you'll never hear from him again.  My smile disappeared.  Oh well, I argued. Sex with Josh Ramsay is better than nothing.  Hell, dinner with Josh Ramsay is the best thing that's happened to me in a long time.

"What's wrong?" he asked.  He genuinely seemed concerned. "That beautiful smile of yours just vanished."

I blushed again, "Oh, um... It's nothing."

He didn't seem to buy it but he let it drop.  After finishing our meal, I excused myself and hurried to the ladies' room.  Rushing into one of the stalls, I locked the door and fell to my knees in front of the toilet.  Thrusting two fingers into the back of my throat, I began to gag, emptying my dinner into the toilet.  I flushed it away, stood up and walked over to the sinks to rinse out my mouth.  After using a paper towel to wipe my mouth I dug into my purse and reached for my package of mint gum before returning to the table where Josh was waiting.

Josh stood as I approached and smiled widely. "You ready to go?" he asked, offering me his hand.

I nodded and returned his smile.

"I was wondering..." he said nervously. "Would you like to stop by my apartment?  If that's too fast for you, I can just take you home, but..."

I put my index finger against his lips to stop his babbling and said, "I'd love to Josh."

***

The moment we walked through the door of his apartment, he grabbed me and pulled me close, crashing his lips down on mine.  His tongue flicked across my lower lips, begging for entrance, which I granted to him without hesitation.  Our tongues battled for dominance, but within mere moments he won; and I didn't mind at all.  His hands began rubbing my back sensuously, pressing me tight against his hard body as his lips trailed down to my neck to suck upon the sensitive skin.  I gasped as his teeth grazed my skin and clung to his shoulders, my nails digging into his skin through his T-shirt.

"Bedroom," he murmured, pulling away and scooping me up into his arms bridal style.  He walked to his bedroom and then placed me softly on the bed, his hands reaching for the hem of my shirt.  I stopped him by grasping his hands in mine, and looked up at him in panic.

"What's wrong, Lucy?" he asked quietly. "Is this too fast?  We can stop."

Stopping was the last thing I wanted to do, but the thought of him seeing me naked... God, he's probably seen hundreds of girls naked...All of them so much prettier than you, the voice in my head drawled, not giving a damn that she'd shredded all evidence of my self esteem.

"No, I don't want to stop," I replied, biting my lower lip with worry. "It's just... I don't want you to see me..."

Understanding filled his eyes and he leaned down to brush his lips across mine.

"Lucy," he said, smiling down at me.  Our faces were only inches apart, and I could feel his hot breath on my lips. "You are beautiful.  All of you.  Please, let me give you the pleasure you deserve.  Let me make you feel beautiful."

I sighed softly at his words and his hands reached the hem of my shirt once again.  He looked down at me, his eyes seeking permission.  After a moment of hesitation, I nodded, and he removed my shirt.  His gaze was locked on the bandages on my arms and he reached out to gently run his fingers across them.

"Did you do this to yourself, Lucy?" he asked quietly, sounding almost as though he was in some sort of daze.

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and replied shakily, "Y-y-yes..."

He lowered his lips to my arm, kissing each of the bandages slowly before giving my other arm the same treatment.  All sorts of emotions played across his face, but he said nothing else as his mouth finally found mine.  He kissed me gently, as if afraid that he would break me.  His hands began to caress the skin he had exposed,  trailing along the top of my bra, and I let out a soft moan as I lost myself in his touch.