*** COMPLETED *** Until the World Explodes (Han Seoul-Oh)

Chapter 23: "I don't like that she does that to you."

The first person I called after hearing the news of Han's passing was Dom. It didn't matter what time it was. He gathered up the rest of the crew and they were on their way to me.

I had just left the police station because they wanted me to identify the body, but it was so burned up because of the gas explosion that it was so hard to be sure. But they showed me the car they recovered at the scene, and it was his. It just made this all too real for me.

What I saw at the police station made me physically ill. I barely made it inside of our apartment before I started vomiting in the kitchen sink. Every time I tried to picture living here without Han, I got sick again. I stayed at the sink for a long time that night, but when I got too exhausted to hold myself up any longer, I made my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth and went over to our bed.

Han slept on the side closest to the door, and I slept near the wall. I always have growing up, and clearly I carried that tradition through my adult life. But tonight, I crawled into his side of the bed and pulled the covers around myself. When I inhaled his scent, I started crying again. I wanted so badly for Han to burst into the room saying he managed to get away from the explosion, but he never did. Once my eyes grew too heavy and sore to keep open anymore, I finally fell asleep.

When I heard pounding on the front door, I physically jumped. I'd been on high alert ever since I heard of Han's passing, and I couldn't stop thinking about whether it was intentional or not, and if whoever did it was going to come for me next. Slowly, I made my way over to the door and to the peephole, relieved to see Dom and the others.

No sooner than I opened up the door after fidgeting with all the locks, Dom stepped in and wrapped me in a hug, to which I couldn't help but start sobbing again.

"I'm so sorry," He choked out as his eyes also filled to the brim with tears. "I'm sorry, kid."

"He was your best friend, too, Dom," I sniffled as I felt the rest of the crew's eyes on us. "I'm sorry for you...and the rest of you. All of us lost somebody."

Mia walked towards me to wrap her arms around Dom and I, and the rest of the crew joined in. We stood in the middle of the living room in a tight group hug. The only thing missing was Han.

After a couple minutes, we untangled from each other, and I looked at all of them as we sat down on the couches.

"Will you help me plan a funeral? Or at least a proper goodbye."

"Of course we will."

Xoxox

We'd been home with Lucas for almost a week now, and I was jumping up at every sound he made, even when he was sleeping. It was hard for me to sleep when he did, even though I was on a new level of exhausted.

I was still wearing the depends I got from the hospital because my wound was still bleeding, but it had started to lighten up and was starting to not be as painful. I could actually sit without having a donut pillow underneath me.

The hardest part for me, truthfully, was learning to love and accept my postpartum body. My stomach had started to flatten now that there was no human inside of it, but there was still loose skin - a little more than before my pregnancy. Lucas kept us busy during the day, so I didn't have that much time to think about it - except when I was looking at myself in the mirror.

"You're always going to be the most beautiful girl in the world," Han said softly as he stepped into the shower behind me and closed the door. "You just pushed a baby out of you. Things are gonna take a bit to go back to normal."