Bleeding Guilt

Chapter 2: Memories cause pain

Author's Note: (PLEASE READ):

Trigger warning: In this story there are multiple instances and mentions of Self-harm,

Suicide, PTSD, and depression. You have been Warned.

With that being said, I hope you enjoy the story!

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As they walked down the path, Lucy noticed something strange. "Erza, where are your bags?" Lucy asked, usually, the Requip mage always had multiple bags that she would lug around.

"Oh, well as you know my Requip magic holds my armour until I summon them, I can also put other things in there, that is where I put my bags." Erza said in a "matter a fact" tone. What Lucy wondered is why Erza had never done that until this point.

She'd never understood this woman.

They both stayed silent for the rest of the walk to the station, Lucy's mind couldn't help but wonder. Why did Erza ask her for her help, did she really want to get to know her better? Why now, didn't she hate her for bringing phantom lord here?

Does she merely wish to punish Lucy herself? That's what she assumed, and hoped, she had done such horrors to the guild, she deserved to get beaten by a fellow member of her guild.

Lucy snapped out of it as she watched Erza paying for their tickets, after the exchange was done Erza handed one ticket to Lucy. She looked down, seeing the destination they were headed to. A small place called Lily Bay, that sounded nice.

Erza suddenly grabbed her arm, causing Lucy to squeal as Erza pulled her to one of the platforms.

Once they got to platform 'Three' Erza finally stopped and let Lucy go. "I apologize, I saw the train coming and I didn't want us to be late," Erza stated, bowing to her, causing Lucy to become uncomfortable.

"So Lucy, I wanted to ask, how have you been after the whole Phantom Incident, it has been a few months now, but I've noticed you have been on a lot more solo missions than normal," Erza stated casually.

For Lucy, though it was a hurricane of panic, did Erza figure it out?! Why was she asking if she was alright, at this point Lucy should be asking Erza that, the guildhall that she grew up in was gone, and it was her fault.

"I have been alright." She lied "I have just needed some smaller jobs to pay the end of my month's rent that's due next week, that's all." Lucy stated, feeling the dullness of her lies slowly crawl back into her voice.

She felt like she was back at Phantom lord's headquarters all over again, the entire guild was risking themselves to save her for no reason at all. She had caused that mess, yet the guild had to clean it up for her.

Lucy suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder, she turned to see Erza giving her a soft smile. "If you ever need to talk about anything Lucy, I will be here for you." The Requip mage stated. This made Lucy's blood boil.

Erza had no right to be happy with her, she should be hating her, punching her, doing something that wasn't a bloody lie to the celestial mage's face. But all Lucy did was nod.

"Don't worry Erza, I am alright, really" Lucy lied again, turning her head back to the station where the train had just arrived. Both Erza and Lucy went aboard, they found a spot to sit and sat down, waiting for the train to start trekking to their destination.

"Would you like me to knock you out until we are there?" Erza asked. Lucy shook her head quickly "I don't get motion sickness." she said, looking out the window as the train started moving. Her skin crawled as she felt Erza's eyes bore down at her.

"Lucy, I have noticed you have become paler over the past few weeks, are you sick?" Erza asked, scooting closer to get a better look at Lucy. She pulled away from the armoured mage, nodding. "I supposed I have just forgotten to eat from time to time, nothing to worry about!" Lucy smiled.

"Well, I will make sure you eat properly for the next few days, we don't want you losing weight," Erza said. Lucy simply nodded, not wanting to be coddled by the red-haired mage any longer, she excused herself to the bathroom.

She walked down the long hallways of the bathroom, she walked in and locked the door behind her.

When she is on jobs with Natsu and the other dragon slayers she couldn't do this, otherwise they would smell it immediately, it was nice that she was finally able to do it on a mission. Erza was being so cuddly, and all she could think about was Gajeels sinister grin as he pulled her by the hair and threw her against the wall, enjoying her shrieks of pain.

Lucy's mind flashed in and out of the memory as she grabbed the small blade in her pocket and quickly cut her thigh, feeling the welcoming sting and the blood slowly dribbling down her leg.

Lucy stood like that for a long while, feeling the urge to cut again, and again, and again. But she knew that if she lost too much blood that she'd become fatigued, and Erza would be sure to notice that.

So she stopped. She cleaned the blood off her leg and blade. She felt the stinging once again as she bandaged her thigh and put her pants back on, the wound now sore from something being pressed onto it.

She got up, feeling a searing pain as she leaned onto the leg with the cut. She must have cut deeper than she thought she had, oh well.

She opened the bathroom door, walking back to where she was sitting, seeing Erza was waiting for her.

Lucy sat down next to Erza, suddenly feeling exhausted she leaned her head across the glass, closing her eyes and falling asleep. 

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Auther's note

Eyyyyyy, I have been writing a lot so I decided to put this chapter up early, I hope you liked it! I'm sorry they are short, I just want to make sure everyone is experiencing the angst, lol.

(If I have any spelling errors please tell me in the comments, I am trying to get better at writing and constructive criticism is appreciated!)

Anyway, see ya'll later!