Poetry|| Gonkillu||Soulmate AU [HIATUS]

5.

Killua's POV~

"Killua, dear, she hasn't come out of her room since late last night!" She exclaimed. Corinne was like my second mother, my better mother. She was amazing and kind and so youthful, always the lively young soul. She loved me to death. She loved Hadley to death too.. "I'm scared Hadley's doing drugs or something.."

"Hey, hey." I gave a slight smile, holding her shoulders. "Hadley would never do drugs. Watch; I'll go to her room and she'll just have slept in. She probably just accidentally locked the door." I assured her with a smile. After all, Hadley was the least problematic girl ever. 

So, I made my way to her bedroom door, jiggling the door knob. No luck. 'Hadley' I called out for my best friend, but nothing. I called out again and again, finally resorting to simply picking the lock. Looking back, I wished I hadn't. Succeeding in picking the lock, I opened the door, my back to the room as I smiled wide. 

"I told you. Hadley's just-" I spun around and saw her. I froze.

Her body hung from a makeshift rope made from a series of pillowcases, all navy blue. She swung back and forth just slightly as the wind through her open window chilled the room. Her face and neck were pale and blue like a terrible bruise and her eyes were wide open and bloodshot like the zombies in the terribly written apocalypse movies. I choked on the air around me, the world suddenly becoming toxic and the atmosphere becoming thick. Her parents stood just around the corner, discussing with each other how long they were gonna wait there. My eyes watered and my vision blurred as the sad, salty liquid covered the surface of my blue eyes. I trudged over to her lifeless body, hugging her legs. She was cold. Dead. I couldn't understand it. Why'd she kill herself? What did I do wrong? Why couldn't I save her? Why? Why, why, why?

"It's your fault, Killua Zoldyck."

~~~

I sprung up on the couch, clutching my oversized shirt. I was drenched in sweat and trembling like a pathetic animal. That dream again... I stare ahead in the darkness, unsure of what to do. I didn't know if I was still dreaming or if it was finally over. I don't know if Hadley's gonna pop out of the corner and blame me for her death or if it's finally over and I'm back in the living room with the rest of the sleeping guests. 

So, I sat awake in the living room, listening to the inhale and exhale of everyone's breaths as they slept. I clutched the corner of Alluka's blanket as if she would disappear if I let go and tried to blink away the darkness. All my efforts were futile and I still couldn't see more than a foot and a half ahead of me. I jumped at the sound of a voice. Is it Hadley again..?

"Hey, why're you awake?" Gon crawled over the sleeping bodies of the guests and took a seat next to me on the couch. Not...Hadley? Gon. It's Gon. Yeah, I'm okay. 

"I don't sleep well." I told the half truth, fiddling with Alluka's light pink blanket. "You?"

"Well, it's hard to sleep when your friend's shoving their foot in your face. Not even sure he washes them." Gon laughed a bit, both of us keeping our voices down so as to not wake the others. "And, I know I already said it, but I'm really really sorry for what Retz said. Is she always like that?"

"Nah," I lied, picking up my phone and checking the time. 5:07AM. "I'm gonna order something from...Dunkin, yeah. Want anything?" I offered, opening Door Dash. 

"Just a glazed donut." He replied, pulling out his phone.

After I finished ordering, I got up from the couch and wandered around the house in my large shirt and shorts, dragging my feet across the hardwood floors on my tiptoes. I trudged around, looking for something to occupy me while I waited for everyone to wake up. 

I counted the windows and paintings, lingering on one stain glass window that casted beautiful hues of the light outside the house. I attempted to see the sun peeking over the horizon through one of the windows, but had no such luck. Anything to pass the time was welcomed. Gon was busy on his phone or looking for something I think. 

I sat in front of the pretty stain glass window as I closed my eyes and let my mind wander to something remotely happy. Something to take my mind off of the recurring nightmare. So, my mind travelled to my favorite day. Not perfect, but it was my favorite. Hadley and I took the bus to Malibu and we ran away from the waves like kids. We built sandcastles and bought burgers and even invited a couple elementary students to hang up with us. It was a dream. We bought ice cream and watched the sunset and took the bus home, but then we got lost and...You know, it was just a dream. That's all I can think to describe that day. It might've been the last day I saw Hadley smile so wide. 

"Killua, your Door Dash is here." Gon called from behind me and I collected myself, returning from the memory. I apologized for being an airhead and retrieved my order, handing Gon his donut. 

"Killua, how did you end up here?" he spoke. "No offense, but you just don't seem to enjoy all this." he waved his and around, gesturing to the entirety of the house.

"Yeah, well," I started. "Maybe she'll stop inviting me if I go this once." 

"I don't think she will."

"Yeah, probably not. But I can hope, right?" I chuckled a bit, sipping my extra large iced coffee. "We head out to Malibu at 6:30, right?"

"Yep. You like the beach?" 

"I like the sand. The water, not so much." I laughed.

"Why not the water? It's so fun!" he exclaimed, stuffing his face with his donut. "You're missing out."

"Alright, then I'll just miss out." I snickered. 

"Ah, what was that deal with the girl who asked to borrow you before?" He asked, barely audible with the sound of the donut practically suffocating him.

"Oh, that's Maxine. We're buddies now." He gave me a look, asking me what buddies are. "Buddies are like friends, but over text. She doesn't like conversations that much."

"I see." He nodded. "Well, looks like your sister's pretty popular."

"Yeah, she's a social butterfly. She's great with people, with words, with life. She's just great." I smiled. "Do you have siblings?"

"Nah, I'm an only child. Just me and my aunt. And occasionally my dad, but it all just depends on the day and the mood and when my aunt and dad last argued." He spoke nonchalantly about the topic. "But don't worry, I like it that way. I spend most times with my aunt so it's bound to be great."

"You seem really happy."

"Yeah. I am." he smiled. "Are you happy with your life?"

I hesitated a moment. No one's really asked whether I'm happy, let along happy with my life. I don't even think I've really thought about it. Am I happy with my life? I opened my mouth to speak but closed it back, unsure to find the words. I don't know. But I think I have an answer.

"I...will be. Yeah, I will be. One day." I gave a reassuring smile 

"Good. I look forward to that day."

"Me too, Gon. Me too." We smiled at each other, reading each others emotions as if we were telepathic best friends since forever. Somehow, knowing him for only a bit has felt like years of my life. Though, I wonder if Hadley would hate me for befriending him. Maxine's a buddy, so it doesn't count, but Gon is a real friend. Would Hadley still want anything to do with me?

"You're up early. Well, then, let's have a chat, Killua." 

God fucking damn it. Retz ruins everything.

heyy love u <3