Sharp Objects

chapter twenty eight

As soon as my body hits the floor, I know I'm on my way out: that I am going to die, I am not going to make it home to Albert and Harper, and there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing at all.

I won't get to see my little brother grow up,I won't get to see him with his own family; to be auntie clove to all his sons and daughters. And I won't get to see Harper walk down the aisle in a long white dress on her weading day, nor see her build her ceremonial wall with her new husband.

But,most of all, I'll never be able to make him forget. If I die, it will be on his mind forever.

I can tell this as soon as his body crashes down beside me on the grass "no,no,stay with me Clove." He pleads, closing his hand around mine,as if trying to hold on to the life that is slowly seeping away.

"Cato,it's no use. Tell Albert and Harper that I love them, and take care of them for me,please Cato." I manage to choke out,taking deep breaths to try and calm myself, but it's not working: I know that I am dying.

He leans down over me, his expressions painted, eyes welling up, as if tears were about to drop down from those bright blue eyes. I can hardly imagine it, it's so difficult to think of: Cato crying. But it's happening right now, right in front of my eyes.

But I don't know why.

I'm not worth crying over. Am I?

No clove, your not worth crying over. Even when you're dying.

I bet fire girl is oh so happy now, after seeing thresh deliver the blow that would end my life. I bet she had run straight back to loverboy to tell him the good news: that clove kentwell is dead forever. And, as soon as that cannon sounds, they know that it's final. That I'm not coming back.

I'm just another dead career in the never ending sea, one that will keep on flowing till someone has the courage to stop these games. These tribute games that have tricked us all for years. No,volunteering  for this is not honorable. It's all just stupid. We're all just pieces in there game: something to be massed around with, and played and pulled. Like puppets under their
Masters control. We are the Capitols puppets.

But I can't be pulled around anymore. Because I'm dying at the hands of my master.

And that means that I escape them. I escape them all. I am free.

Suddenly,I feel as if I'm floating,like a bird, flying as the sky above my body begins to blur, drifting in and out of focus
My eyes begin to close,slowly,slowly...

...

"No,clove stay with me,please!" The Shouts cause my eyes to open suddenly. The sky is blocked off instead, all I can see are Cato's perfect blue eyes, hovering over my own, focusing me to stare into those icy depths that use to captivate me everyday "please.Clove. if I go home without you, I'll never be able to live with myself. Everything will be different without you Clove"

He runs his hands through his hair in anguish,stress, and he screams in annoyance, his voice laced with pity,anger, sadness and despair. " I need to say something, because I can't deal with you ever knowing." He pauses for a moment, takes one long deep breath, the continues" The only reason why I am here is because of you."

He stops, and I take in his words, my heart beating a mile a minute.

What on earth does he mean?

" you are the reason I volunteered for this. I saw you get picked, and I knew that, if you died and I'd never have a chance to repay you,I'd spend the rest of my life indebted to a girl I knew got to know; the bravest girl I've ever met. And so I volunteered, and vowed to myself that I would save you if you needed saving. But ,instead of me saving you, you saved me, another two or three time. And, when it was my time to help, when you needed me..." his voice becomes choked suddenly, but I can't say anything. My voice has frozen in my throat, robbing me of my words. My vision keeps blurring, and every time I try to clear my eyes, they just slide out of focus again, failing me over and over. All I want is to spend my last few moments of my time here on this earth staring into those eyes, savouring their memory until I'm from this world. But my own eyes keep on failing me. I just can't focus.

"When you needed me...... I wasn't fast enough to save you. I failed you Clove kentwell."

It is then when tears begin to leak from his eyes,clear and bold enough that, even with my fast weakening vision, I clearly notice them. "I'm sorry Clove. I'm so sorry."

When he says those words, they seem miles away, as if he's saying them from over the other side of the field, or whispering them. I can feel my eyes slowly closing again, and this time, I know they're not going to open again.

I know it,it's my time to go. But I have to do something before I go, before I leave this world and travel into whatever is beyond it. So,instead of taking my secret's to the grave, I take every last bit of strength I have to pull him towards me, and press my lips onto his.

And, even though I am dying, I feel alive.

We pull apart, and just about manage to register a pure shock on his face, before a furious bout of pain rushes through my head. Like someone just stabbed my brain with a handful of massive needles.

And that's when I know that it's truly is the end. I take one last look at him, savouring every last moment, and manage to utter the words. "I love you Cato, I hope that you win and become victor from me, Goodbye." Before my eyes close, shutting the world out. As I let one last tear that will forever be my last flow from my eye.

I can feel my heart slowing down; the mile a minute beats turning into nothing, and my thoughts gradually drifting away.

The last things I could hear were his response that I couldn't quite Finnished listening to "I'm doing this for you Clove, I love you and I've loved you since you started training with me. I'll look after Albert and Harper and make sure I remember you forever. I love you..." I watched as he kissed my fore head then my lips again as tears emerges from his eyes.

Until, finally,there is nothing at all. Except darkness