Various Fandoms Oneshots

A Council Meeting to End All Council Meetings

Fandom: Merlin

Characters: Merlin, Arthur, Gwen, the Round Table knights, various old lords, and mentions of Gauis 

Desc: A drunk Merlin barges in to the great hall in the middle of a council meeting and shares with those gathered a secret none of them really wanted to know. (Dragoon Reveal!)

Crack

Drunk!Merlin

Trigger warnings: alcohol abuse, some coarse language

Word Count: 946

The council, currently arranged around the round table, was discussing food storage. It wasn't particularly interesting. Really, there weren't that many ways to make food storage interesting, so it wasn't unprecedented. That didn't mean Arthur had to like it though. And he didn't. The king was bored out of his mind, and poor Gwen had to regularly give him a harsh jab with her elbow just to stop him from dozing off. The knights weren't faring much better either, Gwaine was daydreaming about his next drink, Percival was tapping his foot in what he thought was a subtle manner but could actually be heard by all, and the others were all using various and assorted methods to counteract their boredom. None of them were working.

Just as one of the especially boring old council members opened his mouth to add to the dull conversation, the imposing doors to the great hall were flung open with a loud and dramatic bang.

An obviously drunk Merlin stumbled inside.

Arthur couldn't decide whether he wanted to strangle, patronize, or thank Merlin more.

"Arthur!" The warlock slurred, making his clumsy way closer and ignoring the indignant looks the older council members were giving him.

"Merlin," Arthur said, raising an eyebrow. "What exactly are you doing? You do realize you're supposed to be here for the meeting, don't you?" Merlin opened his mouth. "And not while intoxicated." Merlin closed it again, then grinned.

"Council meetins're borin' anyway," he said dismissively. "I'm much more interestin'!"

"You are, huh?" Gwaine coaxed, eyes shining with mischief.

Arthur shot him a warning look.

"Oh, ye-es!" Merlin declared, grinning brightly, if not a bit unfocused. "In fact, tha's why I'm here!"

"Merlin," Arthur rubbed his forehead. "Can't this wait till later?"

Appearing to either not hear or ignore him, Merlin continued. "I've told ya'll most'a my sec-rets..." he hiccuped. "But there is o-one thing I haven' talked 'bout!"

Gwen shared a concerned glance with Arthur. "Merlin, you don't have to share anything you're not comfortable with, remember? We agreed that when you first revealed your magic. Maybe you should tell us after you're..." she paused. "In the right mind again."

"Oooo-oh, no, doncha worry Guini...Gwuiniv...Gwen!" Merlin waved her off. "I'm inna great mind! An' I don't mind tellin' you guys. I think I didn' want ta tell ya cause I was....'barrassed or somethin'. Don' know why in the worl' I thought that though!"

"Go bother somebody else, Merlin," Arthur grumbled. "I'm sure Gauis has some menial task or another for you."
"He'll be fiiiiiine," Merlin said, pitching forward perilously and catching himself at the last possible second. "Okay, okay. Watch this-s!" He reached inside his pocket, and yanked out a small tincture vial with flourish.

The assembled council members stared at it.

"It's...one of Gauis' medicine bottles?" Leon asked sceptically.

"Not just one a Gauis' medi-c-cine bottles!" Merlin announced somewhat maniacally, throwing his arms in the air violently and startling a few people out of their seats.

"So what is it than?" Arthur grumbled. He was getting very done with this rather one-sided conversation.

"Observe." Merlin held his hands out to his sides and shut his eyes. Arthur sighed loudly. The sorcerer was making a fool of himself, even more so than usual if that was possible.

"Miht dagan, beþecce me. Adeadaþ þisne gast min freondum ond min feondum, (1) dilladu fi mewn coch! (2)" Merlin boomed clearly, his drunken appearance temporarily gone as the words of power flowed from his mouth and his irises glowed gold. The entire company before him jumped out of their chairs in surprise.

A brief flash of golden light covered the brunette, but soon faded, leaving a very different Merlin standing before them. He now wore one of Gauis' old red robes, his hair was much longer and as white as the wispy beard hanging from his chin. His face had changed, gained wrinkles and lost cheek bones, but his eyes remained the same, much like...wait—

"It's you!" Arthur shrieked. "Dragoon! Gods, you're Dragoon! Merlin was Dragoon all along!"

"By the Gods, he's right!" Gwaine crowed.

"Merlin's Dragoon?" Percival asked in confusion.

"What the hell is going on here!?" Leon said.

"You're the sorcerer who saved my father!" Gwen gasped.

Merlin threw his arms out wide and grinned tipsily. "Guilt'y as charged! 'Took me a while ta figure out howda add in Gauis' cloth-clothes, but it realllly completes th' look, doen't it?"

Arthur looked around for a wall close enough to bang his head on.

"But loooook, it gets bett-er!" Merlin said cheerfully. He held the vial up and took a quick swig of it, grimacing slightly as he swallowed, and the old man abruptly shifted back to the Merlin they knew, like an elastic bouncing back to its natural state.

"'m back!" He cried.

"You're back," Arthur groaned.

"Merlin!" Merlin declared, then a golden flash of light encompassed him as he sped up time and muttered the incantation inhumanly fast.

"Dragoon!" He took another gulp of the potion.

"Merlin!" Incantation.

"Dragoon!" Potion.

"Merlin!"

"Dragoon!"

"Merlin!"

"Dragoon!"

"Merli—!"

"Merlin!" Arthur bellowed.

"Yes?" Merlin questioned brightly, unruffled.

"Go back to your chambers," Arthur said tiredly, holding his head in his hand. "Get Gauis to give you a sleeping tonic. We'll discuss this once you're sober."

"But—" Merlin protested.

Arthur glared darkly.

Merlin, even in his drunken state, recognized a kingly death glare when he saw one and shuffled out of the room almost as quickly as he'd entered it.

The midsummer crickets' chirping could be heard from outside the castle.

"Good Lord," Arthur sighed.

Arthur's--Author's Notes

1. The original aging spell from episode S3E10.

2. Welsh for clothe me in red.