A Court of Scars and Shadows

Feelings and a Family Cabin

AZRIEL'S POV

To say he was surprised was the least of his problems. The raging emotions behind his mates eyes were. Behind her was fucking Rhysand hold up his hands in surrender. Azriel sent a dark glare to Rhysand before switching his attention back to Gwyn.

He was about to say something, but Gwyn beat him to it.

"Rhysand, we're fine from here. If anything happens, we'll let you know," shit. Azriel was in so much shit considering Gwyn's tone.

Rhysand didn't make an objections as he turned and flied back to Velaris. Azriel moved from the doorway and Gwyn walked in, her head moving across the room, taking the cabin. Feyre's painting was washed away through the magic of the cabin, the bare walls reflecting the fire cracking in the fireplace.

Gwyn stayed silent as she sat at one of the chairs opposite to the couch that was before the fireplace. Azriel followed her lead and sat on the couch.

After another period of tension filled silence, Gwyn spoke, "I want to say everything I'm thinking right now and once I'm done, you can tell me what you have been thinking."

Azriel nodded and she continued, "I thought we agreed not shut each other out. To voice our emotions along with our opinions. Yes, your instincts clouded your actions, but you can't do anything about that. Rhysand engaged in a full fledged attack on Cassian after he mated with Feyre. You are not to blame for what happened.

However, I feel hurt that you sent Rhysand to lie to me about where you went. I feel hurt that you left me without saying anything. I understand you need your own space and your time to think, but leaving out of nowhere especially after what happened was not the time to do it." Gwyn paused to regain her breath. "So please, tell me Azriel what you are are feeling."

Against the lighting of the flames behind her, her hair glowed as if it were part of the crackling embers. Azriel stared at her now before his eyes found interest in the fur rug on the floor.

He felt small hands cup his face and move his face upwards. Gwyn now stood in front of him, her eyes glistening with pure emotion. "Please," she asked him once more.

Staring into those turquoise eyes, he started quietly, "I felt many things after a restrained Cassian. Terrified and shame. Shame in the way I acted, my lack of self restraint. Terrified because of how quickly I was to react to another male looking at you in that context. Terrified that if you accept the bond, how possessive I would get. Terrified because what if I can't control my urges as well as I wanted to and ended up hurting someone... you." Azriel let down the wall he made to separate his feelings and let them wash down the bond. Gwyn sat next to him on the couch, facing him, and squeezed his scarred hands. "I left because I didn't know how unstable I would be afterwards. I heard so many stories Gwyn of how mates aren't true matches and how mated males hurt their females, I'm scared that I'll become one or do something that won't make us a perfect match. I fuck up everything and I don't want to fuck this up." Some tears had fallen down his face, these emotions and fears had been building up since Gwyn went out to the bakery with Rhysand, what happened yesterday just made them all burst loose.

"Never, never hide your fears from me. You won't mess this up Azriel and you won't do something that will hurt me. We set limits for a reason. As for the primal instincts, we'll get through that together. I've been fighting my own instincts when around you and other people. You won't become like him." Somehow Gwyn saw through his fears and into his darkest one: becoming like his father. His mother told him this but Azriel didn't believe her. He has gotten so many things from his father. His hair, eyes, skills in daggers, his anger.

"But that's it," Gwyn rebutted. Azriel must have said it out loud. "Everything else you have from your mother, whom I've never met but I would love to, but that's something for another time." Fucking Rhysand, "Your thoughtfulness, dry sense of humor, your kindness. Azriel you are so much unlike your father. Please understand that."