▪︎Kick ass!!▪︎ Eric cartman x reader

A magical stick?

(THIS IS COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO THE CURRENT STORY LINE AND IS JUST A FUN EXTRA!!!)

I pleasantly woke up and yawned, stretching my arms out then rubbing my eyes but then suddenly all my peacefulness got interupted by the phone ringing I groaned and looked at my phone

"FATASS #1 IS CALLING!"

I groaned louder and answered the phone to immediate yelling

"FUCK Y/N GET DOWN HERE NOW THE JEW KING IS FUCKING INVADING THE KINGDOM FUCK FUCK! YOU NEED TO HIDE THE STICK Y/N!!" He yelled at me then hung up but not before making me want to go back to sleeping

I decided to get up because he'd keep calling me probably late into the afternoon and I don't like the idea of extra contact with him...

I got dressed and ran down stairs as my mom shouted about my breakfast being ready

"Sorry can't today mom I've gotta save some stick!" I said quickly putting on my shoes and running out the door as my mom yells to come eat first

I rush down to cartmans house and run to the backyard where lots of kids are having big elaborate fights with...paper and cardboard fucking swords

My phone busses and its a text from cartman

Fatass #1 : Hey I'm in the kupa keep with the stick of truth come meet me NOW!!

Jesus fuck this better be like a stuck made of fucking gold

I go to the weird tent that says kupa keep above it and go inside of it

"So you finally made it y/n..." cartman walks out of the shadows with a normal looking stick...better be filled with gold then

"Why did you call me so early cartman? And why are you dressed as a gay witch?"

He looked so offended and immediately shouted "IM A FUCKING WIZARD NOT A STUPID FUCKING WITCH YOU BITCH!!" He yelled out then thre the stick to the floor

He realised what he'd done and immediately picked up the stick and stroked it like a cat saying "it'll be okay your not broken!"

He saw me staring at him then immediately got serious again

"Well I wanted to let you take care of the stick but I guess not now because your an asshole y/n!"

"Uh okay I dont really care?" I said turning around but he just said

"TAKE THE FUCKING STICK BITCH!" Jesus fuck this guy has worse mood swings than.....well we can leave that joke there

"Fine fine just don't call me early anymore!" I take the stick and shove it in my pocket

"Be careful with the sacred stick of truth! It holds the power to literally fucking everything so yknow if you could maybe not try and break it? That'd be nice thanks" He said then he talked about how I had to go through a 'secret' back door to get out and he literally just opened the bottom up of the tent and shoved me out

I heard yelling as I left cartmans backyard but hey why should I care all I care about now is getting back to sleep

I getanother text from cartman as I get to my front door

Ultimate wizard King! : be careful y/n this is just the beginning....ps I stole your phone and changed your contact name because IM NOT FAT IM BIG BONED BITCH

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Hey guys I hope you enjoyed this special chapter! I'd like to continue this kind of but tell me if it's interesting enough or if you'd even like it but anyways see you all in the next chapter!

Bye!!

608 words!