Royal Guard Book 1: The Servant

Chapter 21 - Paige - Truth's Sometimes like Poison

***Trigger Warning!***

This chapter contains discussion and reference to situations similar to a school intruder and school lockdown. Please consider your own mental health before continuing.

"I was four the first time I went to an orphanage. That's lucky. The servants at Arce, they could have sent me when I was one, when I was found. But they knew little ones don't last long in the system. And the orphanage, I remember, was the Matron House. It's just down the street in Pennbrooke. An hour's walk at most. That's lucky. Cause when I was four I could make that walk. As many times as I needed to.

"As many times as they sent me back."

The words spilled from my mouth. Spat out. But the pressure in my chest kept building, twisting up my lungs.

"I was an idiot when I was a kid. 'Quite the little runner.' Nine orphanages. Four summers and winters. The people at Arce, they saved my life, they were my family. The only people who actually cared about me. I didn't understand why they didn't want me. So every time they sent me to a care home, I ran back. I was stubborn and stupid. I didn't want to live anywhere but Arce.

"But they didn't-couldn't—they are servants. Families, lives of their own. I was this lost little puppy that showed up on their doorstep. Couldn't get attached, cause they were never going to keep me."

I turned my eyes down from Mihri, down into the red flames. The spikes of the torches twisted in the flickering shadows. Making shapes like tower peaks. Closed wrought iron gates.

The heat was more cold than warm at this point. It felt like Stan's big scraped up hands, holding my face gently as I looked up at him. He used to be so tall, like a mountain. And he'd look down at me, just heartbroken. Every time I came back. Every time I made him be the one who had to send me away again. Forced that look on his face as he guided me back out the gates. As I desperately listed all the ways I could do better. Work harder. Be more help just- please, let me stay.

"Arce's not an orphanage. It's a workplace. So I learned quickly that when I could work, I could stay. I was safe. Lucky. Heh . Then I just needed to figure out the off months. How to survive the system. Cause after the first year, I also learned that running away, it's not just about getting back to Arce. It's about staying out of homes.

"Granted, some were better, but more towards the beginning. After enough years, I didn't leave myself with many good options. Homes that would even bother taking a runner. But, it doesn't matter how sugary sweet the Mother is. How many beds they've got. It's all the same system. You just can't let yourself trust it."

My eyes flickered up to Mihri. She watched me silently. Shoulders back, brows pressed together. Mouth pinched shut in a frown. So proper. I was hunched over the fire. Every shift I made, I could feel the dried blood pull at my eyebrow. It made my face itch.

"I guess this is where the options come in, right?"

She swallowed, but didn't look away. I'll give her that.

"Alright then. Let's go through them. One." I held up a finger. "You age out." Second finger. "You get adopted." I almost laughed. "You get indentured. Or-" Four. "You die. And I've heard so many arguments about which of those is the worst."

Mihri looked horrified. That stupid proper mask cracking.

Good.

"Aging out is simple. If you enter old. A year or two either splitting meals with the starving little kids, or picking fights to have a full one. But the whole time you're struggling to keep your head above the water. And it's exhausting. And you don't feel 16 when you leave.