The Secret of being a good housewife by Skulduggery Pleasant

The Sofa Bed

This takes place a few weeks before Death Bringer

Skulduggery Pleasant opened the door of his house and stepped in, pissed. He was going to rip Melancholia's throat out once he got a hold of her but that wasn't the only reason why he was pissed. He was pissed because as it turns out, Valkyrie had been going out with Caelan.

He had been suspicious but when he went over to Haggard after Valkyrie was attacked by Melancholia he was more sure of it when he saw the Vampire just loitering around her parent's house. Naturally, he asked what he was doing there very politely. What he found was not something he was very happy about.

He couldn't believe Valkyrie would cheat on Fletcher with a Vampire, a VAMPIRE for fuck's sake.

He hung his coat and hat on his rach and deactivated his facade. He knew she was irresponsible and not exactly the best person in the world but to stoops so low to have interest in that pathetic emo git?

He sighed. He didn't know how or why he still did that. It was a habit he kept doing from when he was alive and he just never stopped doing it.

He left his shoes by the door and walked into his big walk-in-wardrobe and started picking what suit to wear. What should he do about it? Should he do anything about it? It was her life but it seemed wrong to just let her see that murderous piece of shit behind the lovesick puppy's back. It wasn't safe either. What If it goes rogue and tries to kill her?

He picked out a plain black three-piece suit for the evening. Valkyrie is a capable young girl, that's for sure, but was he really about to just LET HER hang around Calaen? She was making a big mistake and the relationship was going to end badly and there should be someone to tell her that.

He began to change into a fresh pair of clothes and tossed his old clothes into the laundry basket. Now that Grouse is dead and Ghastly is busy and Tanith is possessed there is no one to guide but him and he is a very irresponsible person himself. Wouldn't it be better to let her learn from her mistakes? It would, wouldn't it?

At least there's a chance he'd get to kill that undead bastard. He found that to be somewhat comforting.

He stepped out of his wardrobe and into the living room. Once he reached the centre of the living room he stopped and a realization hit him. He had nothing to do that night or the day after until Valkyrie gained consciousness.

He stood there for a while, wondering what he should do. He looked at the sofa and a thought occurred to him. When he bought that sofa, the worker there had said something about that sofa being able to convert into a bed. He didn't really understand how a sofa can become a bed at the time and wasn't really paying much attention. Now he wished he did because Valkyrie needed to stay over at his place once she is discharged from the sanctuary medical ward until her scars heal up and she needed something to rest on.

He observed the sofa. The sofa observed him.

Skulduggery was a world-class detective who had saved the world and fought in wars, a man who death himself couldn't keep down and yet nothing he has experienced throughout his entire life had prepared him for an opponent as intimidating as the sofa.

He cleared his non-existent throat and spoke loudly in order to hide his fear with sheer volume "Mr Sofa, I must convert you into a bed for my partner to rest upon."

The sofa said nothing.

He continued. "You see, she was terribly hurt by a necromancer named Melancholia that has been recently named their Death Bringer so I would like her to have the finest piece of furniture to sit on and that, kind sir, just happens to be you." Skulduggery chuckled to try and lighten the mood.