pure vanilla book LAWL

all i want is you now!!

'tons of bloody tissues, all over my room.'

tw; c//tting, r4zors

basically source trauma dumped into one story LOL!

im warning you this story is not for the faint of heart.. nnnn heavy angst ensues

-

the bathroom floor was soothing, albeit freezing cold. he needed some time to himself. so, he resorted to sobbing in the bathroom.

he choked on another few cries of agony, the blade sinking into his skin as he desperately wanted to feel something other than numb.

watching the blood pool around his arm, and then drop on the floor was calming, in its own, twisted way.

drip,

drip,

drip.

he tried his best to clean up the blood, dabbing the tissues on the open wounds was not the greatest idea to begin with. as he shrieked in pain and dropped the tissue everytime it came in contact with the exposed flesh.

sometimes he wishes he never resorted to these tactics.

oh, how desperately he felt he needed help, but his pleas were ignored. so he deemed it impossible for any other thing to save him from this hell.

the razor was covered in blood, sitting on the ground next to him. he despised that thing so much.

everytime he looked at a cut, or the razor, he felt like crying. it was too much to handle. all these memories were coming back.

he cant even describe how sore his eyes were, his hair felt disgusting, his body wreathed and itched as he twitched in discomfort.

all of this was so overwhelming, he could just throw up.

everything around his arms became itchy, the cuts were becoming unbearable. they started hurting, so much.

he quickly went to a drawer and wrapped his arm in bandages, feeling like shit every step of the way.

passing out. thats what he felt like doing right now. ewvweyhring qass osso oveevwheling.

calm
calm
calm
calm

he quickly left the bathroom, after trying his best to make himself not feel disgusting.

didnt work for long though.

as he stared at the ceiling he felt oddly gross.

closing his eyes, he softly scratched the cuts, hissing in pain and turning on himself yet again, making a mental note to never do that, ever ever ever.

he sighed in disbelief about what he had done, finally realizing after his episode that he had broke a promise, he had relapsed.

--

"promise me," white lily whispered as she sat down next to pv, "that youll never do that again, as best as you can, okay?" she hugged pure vanilla, trying to get the message out that she genuinely cared about him.

it seemed to have worked.

"okay. ill try," he softly smiled at her, the first smile in weeks that he didnt have to fake for the others.

white lily nodded, feeling proud, "theres the pure vanilla i know," she stated, sitting up from the table they were discussing at.

"ill see you soon, then! take care."

"take care."

"care."

--

all the memories came rushing back to him, the feeling that people actually cared about him made him gag, he couldn't grasp that concept, at all.

but the more he thought about it, the more he found it plausible.

what if they were just using him? would they ever leave him?

no matter.

it didn't matter.

--

pvn: h*iiiiii its literally just been cinderpelt and kit fronting for like. most of this time ive been gone. mostly because their cohost and host. but yeah this is something for sure