Like Ants...

I Can See...

I can see... my week of vacation, "staycation" as I was calling it to everyone at work.

At the time it was me and Nick, living at 1 Union St Apt 2. Best spot to have an apartment EVER. Everything a person could want or need, just a pleasant little walk down the street. I see... Pop's, the packie at the end of my road, where I stopped every day to pick up my canned Starbucks beverage, paid for with actual money instead of this pitiful blue card of shame (ebt).

I can see... Dave, the tall guy with the turban, and the other guy, his name was something slightly more Arabic sounding. They were both such nice guys to me. They called everyone Boss. Sometimes that pissed folks off. Maybe they knew that and it was just their way of sticking it to their asshole customers. They knew me pretty well. We'd always have little conversations about local news... "Did you hear that Andy died? You know the guy under this bridge?" "Oh yes, long time we've known Andy. Sad, sad, sad."

I can see... this one day, it was probably two years ago or more, when I went in there sick as a dog with a sinus infection. Nick always ignored Megan when she was sick. Kind of like my parents do now. When Megan is helpless and in need, Megan is always profoundly alone. Because? Well, perhaps it's because Megan is an adult, and she ought to know how to take care of herself. But Megan has spent all of her adult life taking care of other people. When left to do the same for herself, Megan hasn't got a clue. Megan just shuts down and goes to sleep until life forces her to wake up.

But back to that day with the sinus infection at Pop's: Dave suggested I buy some liquor... what was it? It was some kind of brandy. It was clear. It was wicked strong. But Dave said "have a little of this and you'll be better in no time". "But I don't drink..." Megan sniffled. Dave guffawed at this. He never did believe me, but that was probably because at the time my sister worked with me at Acme and stayed with me a lot. She went through a major drinking phase right around her 21st and she'd go in there and buy liquor a lot. At the time too, Megan was heavier and her sister was lighter. Some people thought they were the same person.

I bought the shit. It did make me feel better immediately. I ended up letting Ryzoma and Ryzoma's sister Carmen (a person I love but lost) drink the rest of the bottle. They appreciated it.

I can see...

the "beautiful" living room set Nick had bought that year, thousands of dollars gone on a fucking couch and love seat. I never liked it, but it wasn't my place to say anything about it, right? We had separate bank accounts, and the agreement was simply "as long as you can make your part of the bills every month"...

But I remember having that nervous feeling when he'd drop thousands of dollars on shit. Like his Macbook Pro. Had to have the best, most expensive one. As soon as taxes came back, or student loans cut him a hefty refund ("living expenses") check, it was gone and some new shiny THING was there to symbolize the empty bank account.