Hesitate
Hesitantly, it always seemed like she was hesitating, Ino touched his hand, terrified to look into his eyes. This was something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. It was probably because failure terrified her. Friends came easily, and because she was still young she could do physical tasks almost without thinking about it, and new skills she could master with nothing more than hard work, but not this. This ranked as one of the hardest to bear, one of the most awkward moments of her life.
Was there something wrong with her? Her friends had been in relationships before, although she couldn't be sure of the depth, considering the fact that none of those relationships had lasted. All she knew was that she was desperately afraid of being hurt and had been as long as she could remember. Any and all potential boyfriends had been pushed away the moment they showed interest beyond the superficial. She'd only had two real male friends her whole life, and they'd both started out as guys she wouldn't dream of dating and who she was certain would never dream of dating her. It was safer that way. She'd never voiced this to anyone, not even Sakura. It was probably the result of too many stories with too many happy endings and too much fantasy. Not enough reality in her life, which was hard to believe considering the fact that she was a kunochi. But there must not have been, after all, she'd grown up watching her parents live out happily ever after. But now there was Shikamaru. Just thinking about this made her sick to her stomach. She broke the touch and looked up at him.
Shouldn't she be able to read his emotions by now? In every relationship, weren't there indistinguishable glances cast from one partner to other, inside jokes without words? It wasn't fair he could read her so easily when his eyes told her nothing. Nothing, she repeated mentally for emphasis. How was she supposed to know the meaning of those sidelong looks he sometimes gave her, when he excelled at hiding everything else from her?
Ino didn't think he'd noticed how much that touch had cost her. When it came to romance, he was the dumbest smart person she'd ever met.
"What do you want?" he asked her, his tone slightly annoyed though she knew he was curious. In the past, she'd always got his attention by yelling or hitting him over his head. How was it that a light touch had proved more effective than all the abuse she'd rained down on him over the years? The irony made her smile.
"Will you walk me home?" she asked, knowing he'd ask why and she'd have to tell him.
He only stared at her a moment. "Sure."
She'd been wrong then. He wanted her to tell him on her own.
He held the door open for her on their way out of the administration building. They hadn't left together, arrived together, or been in the same place together more than once a week in months. She was horrible at maintaining relationships. It was much easier to stay busy, to train in her spare time, or work in the flower shop, than to search for him, only to find he was out on another mission. But lately the stress was becoming too much to handle without him. Maybe he hadn't complained because he'd been waiting for her to discover she needed him.
She watched him as he walked along, his long legs carrying him a step ahead of her. His head was tilted up towards the clouds. A ray of sunlight glinted off his left earring, blinding her eyes for a moment. Ino remembered the day they'd all gotten the matching earrings- her, Shikamaru, and Chouji- before they'd even been a genin team. A day a lot like this one, warm and breezy with a few clouds, in the middle of summer. She'd been ten and afraid to get her ears pierced all by herself, but she'd wanted to keep it a surprise for her parents, so she hadn't asked them to come with her. Instead she'd found Shikamaru and dragged him and a chubby boy - she'd seen him around Shikamaru before - to the store with her.
