A Lifetime Together (pure vanilla x reader)

Part.1- the castle

TW! This chapter has a HUGE Tw for self deprecating talk, mentions of ig slight suicide. And just depressive thoughts in general.

If anyone out there that is reading this has felt like this, please seek a trusted persons help. Remember that you are loved and things will get better. Ily sm stay safe<3

Go drink water and do something good for yourself today<3 (as a healthy habit or yk take yourself shopping and more)
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"Wait wait wait- how do you know my name-?"

"Huh. You don't remember.?? Oh. Wait she said something about this once... Anyways, It was nice knowing you all. See you later!" The cookie gave me a short hug and left all of us in the blink of an eye

. My head started hurting a while later, as we started walking to the castle all together.

What was it that I didn't remember..?

Why didn't I remember anyone..?

Anything..?

At all...

It felt like I was going crazy. I didn't remember so much that , it felt like I was in an endless dark void with a single low budget flashlight.

I had lost track of proper days and my headaches had become worse.

Every day after the other felt like hell. Why was "I"  "me" ? Why was I in this form...? Why did I get to live longer than all those who suffered before me...?

Why..?  It felt like I was in an endless snowstorm. Up in the mountains without a path to follow back home.

What was home?

Was it a place?

A person?

A memory?

Sure, some memories did give me comfort but I couldn't feel it anymore.

I didn't feel anything towards my past. I was unable to hate people. I was unable to love, or even feel motivated for anything. Yet, I was able to "miss".

I didn't love or feel any hatred towards "him" . But I missed him. I knew there was a missing part somewhere that I had to fill. I had already messed up everything hadn't I?

What if I could never get Lily Back? What if she hated me? What had pushed her to do this?

It had to be my fault. My whole existence.

My reason in this world.

I only brought pain and suffering to those who I met.

I felt alone, like I was alone in a giant forest.

I knew it. I always felt like it. Why was I even alive anymore-? I'd be less of a hazard if I were to disappear.

My headache got worse and I started to feel dizzy once again.

All I could think about was the first memory I had gotten. The box was still inside my bag. I was scared I would never be able to open it again. All the memories, all the time wasted on me...

Why wasn't I strong enough? Couldn't I just be a bit more normal?

I felt like the subject between matter and liquid. A liquid void, one that never feels full. It sticks onto others and attaches itself. Yet it's never useful, it's always making more of a mess.

Because it was the mess itself.

Even if I died what would I be?

Nothing I do will be temporary, why bother?

Why go through this when I can just escape?

I tried to shake the thoughts out again. We had started walking to the Castle, step by step. There were a few more monster fights. I could handle them easily along with the help of everyone else.

We had finally reached the castle's gates. I quickly walked in front of Madeline and asked him for a non-verbal confirmation if I could open the doors myself. He nodded as I pushed open the Castle doors. Revealing a classic vanilla style hallway just like the original kingdom.

We all walked in, looking around the place.
"I have a bad feeling about this." Espresso spoke up from the back of the team along with Healer cookie. Latte, who was just in-front both of them. Didn't hesitate to speak up.

"I couldn't agree more. This place feels really off."

We walked down the halls, there wasn't a single monster or robot here.

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A while later, we reached a salon with 6 different colored and designed painted glass pieces. Each of which resembled one of the ancient 6. Yet one of them...

Was shattered to pieces.

It was one of the middle ones, like light blue one to be exact. I picked up a few of the broken glass shards and tried to piece them together on the floor. Soon after Healer cookie joined too as we tried to figure out what was in this glass painting.

It took us a minute but we were able to piece it back together, revealing a picture of another cookie. I looked back at Madeline and pointed at the glass.

"Who is this?"

Madeline looked at me, completely shocked. "You don't know them..?? Oh right memories sorry- that's Pure Vanilla. The ruler of this kingdom." I looked down at the broken glass again. Why was it broken.? Who broke it.?

I touched the broken glass once again. This time, my head started hurting more. Due to that I quickly dropped the glass and got up, lending a hand to Healer cookie who didn't talk that much for the whole journey.

"Let's go. We don't have much time." I quickly started making my way to the next hallway again. I didn't want to stay here for so long, I couldn't stand the throbbing headache.

They all followed me silently. Too silent in fact that I had to check it they were there every ten minutes. Latte, instead of waking behind me, came up to me.

"Hey...are you doing good..? You don't look to well. If you want we can rest somewhere here?" I was quick to decline. I didn't want to stop here, the top of the castle was what mattered.

"No thank you, plus I'm fine there's nothing wrong. Let's continue." I kept walking, I wanted to see White Lily, to see her one more time.

Even if she did hate me, I needed the comfort of knowing she was real. She was the only one I remembered yet I couldn't stop her pain and suffering at all.

I had failed her has a friend. Maybe I didn't even deserve to see her face, was that alone too much to ask?

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My friend said that this was the chapter that revealed me fashionably as a Mitski fan. I cannot tell if that's a good thing.

Also I didn't get to read this chapter and check for some spelling mistakes I apologize<3