oblivion ; minsung

"little sunflower"

Jisung used to hate singing love songs. Idealistic and cloying, the lyrics felt like lies. Lately though, when he plays guitar, he can't help but be drawn to them. Maybe it's because his own music isn't feeling so safe anymore. Not so familiar, not so his. They serve as a reminder too. Of him. Really everything does.

Their phone call from this morning hurts somewhere deep down in Jisung's chest, a place that hasn't been touched till now. He thought he had felt pain everywhere possible, every nook and cranny, but Minho managed to find uncharted territory. He wants to reach inside and hold it in his hands until the pain fades and he can forget.

He's been sitting on the grass in front of the grocery store, playing all morning. About five dollars has accumulated in his hat. The passersby have split their attention between Jisung and the gentleman sitting across from him. The man is swaying to the rhythm, stroking the gnarled tabby in his lap.

Jisung is on the last verse of 'I'll Wait Forever' — one of his grandfather's favourites — and his breath is running out. He folds forward with his face in his hands. He was up all night working. He's barely slept for a week. Every time he does, the Light consumes him, he loses his body, feels Minho's presence — and wakes up in the hallway or out on the front lawn (thankfully never farther than that).

"You okay, fella?" It's the man across from him. His eyes are deep and wrinkled and kind.

"Yeah, fine."

He takes a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, holds it out to Jisung, an offering. Jisung declines.

He tucks it back into his pocket. "Let me guess. Woman troubles?"

Jisung laughs quietly. "Sure."

"Take it from me, whatever you did, just apologize. Get her some flowers, they always love flowers."

"Thanks for the advice." Jisung starts another song. 'Are You Lonesome Tonight?' His grandfather hated this one.

The gentleman resumes his swaying. "That's a nice guitar you got there."

"I know. It was a gift. Nice cat you got there."

"Ah she's a sweetheart." He pets her head and she hisses.

Jisung plays for the man and his cat for the rest of the morning. Eventually he stands, empties his hat and gives the change to the man. The two shake hands, and Jisung makes his way home.

It's nearly noon when he gets back. He makes lunch and joins Nini in her bedroom. Barely a moment goes by before she asks what's bothering him.

He just shrugs.

"Han Jisung, a shrug is not an answer."

He sighs. He doesn't want to lie but he doesn't want to tell the truth either. "He called this morning, when I was at the site. While we were talking, um, something happened, and his niece got hurt. She's in the hospital now. Because of us. He said we shouldn't talk anymore."

Nini chews on that for a moment. "That may be wise."

"You think so?"

"You don't?"

Jisung pokes at his spaghetti, starting and stopping and choosing his words. "I just... I don't want to not talk anymore."

"Little, this whole thing is bonkers, but that bruise on your head says it's dangerous too. Whatever has come over you two, I'd prefer you part ways now instead of hurting each other later."

"But... I don't want to not talk anymore."

She clucks her tongue and pats him gently on the head. "I'm sorry it has to end this way. Think of his niece."