oblivion ; minsung

"he found her still"

Jisung has glass stuck to the soles of his shoes.

That was bad. That was awful.

For a second... it was good. It was sweet.

But that was really bad.

He feels guilty for leaving Minho in the dust, but he doesn't think staying would have done any good. It probably would have created a whole new problem. He should have left the house as soon as he felt Minho approaching. But he stayed. Like an idiot. Jisung had just wanted to see him.

He knew it was a mistake as soon as they locked eyes.

He's drifting home now, acutely aware of the mistake he's made. At least he was able to 'cleanse' the house. (He isn't sure why he doesn't feel the weight of Death on his heart. Maybe Minho... took it somehow. Through the kiss. Jisung hates himself for loving the thought of that.)

Jisung unlocks the door and calls in to his grandmother. She doesn't answer — she must be asleep. He gently shuts the door, trying not to wake her. He won't be home for long anyway; his shift at the construction site starts soon. He makes himself a sandwich and an extra for Nini.

He peeks into her bedroom. The TV is still on and she's sound asleep with the clicker laying in her lap. He turns it off and sets the sandwich on the bedside table.

He stops to look at her. She looks so sickly, it hurts his heart. And she's... still. She's too still.

She isn't breathing. She isn't breathing.

Jisung shouts her name and grabs her by the arms. She gasps a breath, eyes peeling wide, hands clutching her chest.

"Are you okay?" He's on his knees, clinging to her sleeve. "Oh my God, you weren't breathing — are you okay?"

She pants for a moment longer and then bellows "Goddamn you, Jisung!"

He shrinks at the bite in her voice. "What?"

"I was gone! I was gone and you brought me back, goddamnit!"

Jisung doesn't understand, he can't understand. He's still trembling, grasping her arm like a five-year-old. "You... you were dead."

"I was ready and I... I closed my eyes."

"How — how could you be ready?"

She clenches her jaw and cuts her eyes away. He stares. Why is she saying this shit? Why does she look angry with him?

"I know you won't understand, Little," she whispers, "but I shouldn't be here. I'm past my time."

"No no no, it's not your time — if it was, you'd already be gone."

"It's past my time! Because of you! You and your blasted poison — you're keeping me alive and it's not natural! It's not natural, Little. My spirit is gone."

He clutches his head in his hands. He never even considered it. That he might be affecting... harming... his surroundings, the way Minho is.

"This should be a good thing," he murmurs. "You're not in pain. You're alive."

"No, I'm not. You're not listening."

"Is it because you miss Grandpa? Are you suicidal or something?"

"No! I want to die because it's wrong that I'm alive!"

"Stop saying that! This should be enough! I work so fucking hard to make this enough for you!"

She looks down at him, face softening. She looks at him the way she used to, when he would come home from school with a bloody lip or dirt in his hair. Looking straight past his skin and into his heart.

"It's not your fault, sweetheart. I can't thank you enough for taking care of me, but you only have to work so hard because I'm holding you back. Once I'm gone, you can do anything. Sell the house, sell my things, travel, go to school. Your life has barely begun."

"I don't want all that. I don't want anything if I can't share it with you."

She shakes her head, reaches down to pinch his chin. He can tell she's going to say something that will hurt him. He wants to run away before she can. He wants to make the world stop spinning so nothing will change. So no one else can hurt him, ever.

"When I found you at your dad's place..."

He puts his head down.

"Little, look at me. You were so small, so scared... I swore I'd stay with you, love you, protect you, as long as you needed me. You're a capable young man now, so thoughtful and talented. You're going to make beautiful music and the world will love you for it."

"But... you're all I have."

"That's not true. I'm all you started with."

He breaks. There's a ball of hot iron in his throat and it won't go away.

She lets him cry for a while.

"How did it go?" she asks then, quietly. "With the child."

"I think I... healed her."

"Good. I'm proud of you."

"It's our fault she was sick. Me and him. It's the least I can do."

"You sound exhausted."

"I am. I have to go soon."

"Before you do... I need one more thing from you."

"What?"

"I won't... heal until the Life is taken from me. I need your boy to do it. He has to help me."

Jisung lifts his head. She's serious.

"You're saying he... no, Jesus Christ, no!"

"Little, please. If it worked with the baby, it will work with me."

"You're asking for him to kill you! I'm not getting you killed!"

"He's the only one who—"

"No!" Jisung picks himself up off the floor, storms out of the room. He feels like he's going insane. He's feeling everything. Like an avalanche, the weight of it is crushing him.

"You know it's the right thing to do!" Nini calls after him. "I have to go! You have to let me go!"

He slams the door behind him.