Transitions of a lost soul

(Chapter 5: Negative changes)

2 years have flown by since Brandon and I got together and it's been like a fairytale I've always dreamed about. We traveled together, spent so much money on each other, spent every other night together, everything you can think of. I thought this would be like this forever....then things started to turn. As our third anniversary was approaching, Brandon started acting..different. He would get mad over everything I did then turn around and try to comfort me. He got super possessive and controlling when it came to me going anywhere without him. This is not the Brandon I fell in love with, and I didn't like this change at all.

2 nights ago, Brandon and I were getting ready for a double date with Liza and her boyfriend Kendrick. I walked out the bathroom wearing a red and black striped cocktail dress that didn't show too much besides my curves. " How do I look Brandon, does it look okay on me?" I asked him. "What the fuck is that Jarlene? Are you trying to embarrass me?" Brandon asked me, His face scrunched up at me. " Excuse me? How the hell am I embarrassing you? If you don't like the dress, I'll change to something else." I said to him, " Yeah I don't, we're going on a double date not an interview to become an escort. You look like a whore in it so change NOW!". My mouth dropped, Tears filling up my eyes.

"FUCK YOU BRANDON!!" I screamed at him, storming to the bathroom and slamming the door shut. I slide down to the ground, Bawling my eyes out. "Where the fuck did that come from? This is not my Brandon, He would never say this to me. I'm so confused right now." I say to myself. 5 minutes go by and I hear a knock on the door: " Jarlene wipe your tears and freshen yourself up, we don't want to keep them waiting." Brandon says to me as he's on his way out the door. I can't believe he didn't even say sorry nor tell me he was wrong for insinuating that I was putting myself out there like a prostitute. I held back my anger, fixed my makeup, changed to a more appropriate outfit and left. I walk out and see Liza standing by the doorway "Jesus christ Jar it took you centuries to come out of there. Brandon and Kendrick are already in the car so I decided to come up, are you okay to go?"

I take a deep breath in and let it out slowly " Yeah...sorry I kept you guys waiting...Let's just go." Liza gives me a confused look but doesn't bother to ask and walks towards the stairs and I follow behind. We reach the car and Kendrick comes out with an annoyed look on his face " your boyfriend is driving me insane talking about nonsense. Thank god you came out of there i'm ready for the night to be done and over with." he said quietly to me. I took another deep breath and got in....I felt Brandon's cold stare at me and I didn't bother to look at him. The whole 20 minute car ride was nothing but silence and music playing faintly through the radio. Brandon never broke his stare towards me either and I felt more and more uncomfortable..but I'm playing it cool for Liza and Kendrick. In my head I kept thinking: "Why is Brandon looking at me the way he is? Is he plotting to do or say something hurtful towards me? Is he still upset with the blowup back at home?"

We get to this restaurant called Malengio's and I immediately jump out of the car to get some space from Brandon to clear my state of mind. Liza runs behind me and grabs my shoulder " Why are you in such a rush Jar? You feel like you're tensing up." I looked at her with fear in my eyes. " Brandon kept looking at me while we were on our way here and he looked as if he hated me...I don't know what's going on in his head right now." Before Liza can say anything, Brandon grabs my hand and walks me inside the restaurant. "Don't embarrass me, I'm already feeling disgusted by you right now," he whispers into my ear. From there I wanted to pull away and slap across his fucking face, but I'll just ignore it until we get home.

The dinner was very uncomfortable at this point, Brandon and I barely spoke meanwhile Liza and Kendrick kept conversation with each other. " So Jar, are you feeling better?" Liza decided to ask me to break the awkward energy. I was going to say yes until Brandon cut me off and said "of course she is, why wouldn't she be?" He looked at me, giving me a cold smile. I sunked into the chair a little bit, I just wanted to go home at this point. " I asked her though Brandon, please don't speak for her." Liza scolded. I looked at her with pure worry, She became very protective of me...but this might make him snap more towards me. " I think I'm ready to go home now, I'm sorry you guys." I said to them as I got up and made my way out the door.

I left everyone behind and decided to take a cab, I just wanted to be alone to process what might happen. Liza texts me and I don't respond, Brandon blows up my phone and I ignored every single call. My heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest, my hands felt clammed up from me balling up my fists...I had to prepare myself for what was about to happen and I was scared shitless. I get home and rush back into the room, taking off everything and locking myself in the bathroom. I run a bath to try to calm myself down, since I have some time to myself before he comes home. My head is spinning and my heart is literally running a marathon in my body. In a mere second, I hear someone bust through the door.

" WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE ME BEHIND!?!" Before I knew it Brandon yanks me by the arm and tosses me into a wall. His face was inches away from mine, breathing heavily as he was scorned with rage. " You belittled me then told me not to embarrass you...WHEN HAVE I EVER EMBARRASSED YOU BRANDON?!? I FEEL LIKE I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE!!!" I screamed to his face, not even realizing the possible damage I just caused. He shoves me into the floor and stands over me "you're the reason I changed...you are nothing but a worthless, insecure, bag of bones that I carried around for too long. You'll never be anything to me or another man because you have no worth, no substance." he scoffed at me. He turns to walk out the door and leaves me here..soaking in his words, my heart battered and broken as I curled up into a ball and cried violently. Maybe he's right....maybe I am nothing.