Red String | Minsung

마흔다섯

TW: Mentions of abuse

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Hyunjin strode down the hall, heading to the cafeteria. He fiddled with the rings on his fingers and took a deep breath as he neared the cafeteria door. He then reluctantly opened the door and went inside. The ravenette's eyes scanned the large room to look for a certain cherry-haired male. Once he spotted him, he hesitantly made his way toward him, still fidgeting with his rings.

As he approached him, Changbin noticed him. "Seungmin, I think Hyunjin wants to talk to you." He gestured toward the tall male, making the younger turn to look at him. Seungmin sighed. "Does it have to be right now?" He spoke. "Please. I just want to fix things." He pleaded, tired of them being distant. "Go ahead, Seungmin. It's about time you two made up." Changbin nudged. "Okay. Let's go then." He decided, standing up. Seungmin waved goodbye to Changbin as they walked away from the table. The short male smiled and gave Hyunjin an encouraging thumbs up.

Hyunjin led the younger outside and sat down under a tree, Seungmin following suit. They sat silently for a moment as Hyunjin collected his thoughts. He really wanted to say the right thing and, for once, not mess up. He expected Seungmin to urge him to speak, but he sat next to him patiently, enjoying the breeze. Hyunjin glanced at him before speaking. "I'm sorry, for everything." He began, catching the younger off guard. "I've been a real asshole and I feel awful about it. I never intended to hurt your feelings, at all." He stopped to take a breath.

"I'd been taking out my anger and stress on Jisung and was just in general being a toxic bitch to everyone. My problems had been building up and the only way I knew how to cope was to lash out. I fucked up, big time. I'm so sorry I said those awful things. Fuck, I was such a dick." He grabbed the grass tightly as he spoke, his knuckles turning white. "I regret it a lot. I've been going through a lot of shit but taking it out on you guys was absolutely not okay."

Seungmin looked at the older. He looked completely exhausted. Seungmin had never really seen Hyunjin like this. He had seen him down, but not to this extent. Hyunjin had a habit of bottling everything up and hiding his feelings. The younger hesitantly reached over to the latter's hand, grabbing it and interlocking their fingers.

The ravenette quickly looked over at Seungmin, and then their hands. "You know you can tell me anything, right? You don't have to hide anything from me." The cherry-haired male comforted. "I know it's hard to open up about things. But I'm always here if you need to vent about your problems. I care about you, Hyunjin. A lot."

Hyunjin felt tears welling up in his eyes after hearing his words. He began to panic. He did not want to cry in front of the younger. "Sorry, I- I need to go." He said quickly, his voice breaking. He attempted to stand up, but Seungmin stopped him by hugging him. "Hyung. It's okay to cry. You can be vulnerable around me. You're allowed to cry."

Hearing those words made him break, tears began streaming down his face endlessly. Hyunjin had always been conditioned that crying or showing any sort of weakness was disgraceful. His parents would yell at him to stop crying, which led to him constantly hiding his feelings and never opening up about anything to anyone. Even if he did want to open up to someone, his mind would constantly remind him that it was disgraceful and weak. Because of this, he would result to lashing out as it was the only way he could let out his feelings. Seungmin hugged him tightly and let him cry. 

This was completely new to the older. He never had someone that he could truly and completely open up to. Of course he had Changbin, who he would occasionally vent to, but not like this. He never had someone explicitly say he was allowed to cry. That it was okay to show weakness. It was all so foreign to him. Seungmin eventually let go of the older and looked at his face, tears were still continuously falling down his face. Seungmin raised his hand to Hyunjin's face and gently wiped his tears away with his thumb. The ravenette leaned into the younger's hand, savoring this feeling of comfort.