Tomorrow

Tomorrow - Chp. 14

2009, August 3rd

 

                        My eyes snapped open. Just outside my room I could hear the usual sound of the hospital; muffled voices, papers shuffling, footsteps going up and down the hallways, even the chorus of beeps and pings that seemed so distant and far away, but none of it woke me up. The sky outside was still dim, but already I could see the brightening, coming in just over the horizon telling me morning would arrive in a matter of hours.

            My head still hurt and I felt disoriented. Just trying to move and shift about on the bed brought a whole new level of pain. My side hurt tremendously, but taking several deep breaths and bearing the pain grew easier as the seconds ticked by. I wouldn’t have been able to tell anyone if one day or ten had gone by. So far no one had entered to see me, to see that I came too, but I didn’t mind it so much. I didn’t want company just at that moment.

            Lifting my hand I looked there and saw it, the ring just as I dreamed.

            “But this means it wasn’t a dream?”

            Saying it still couldn’t make me believe though the proof was staring me in the face. That meant that seeing Ann happened, that she died and came to say goodbye. The sudden grief that filled my heart caused a new wave of tears to fill my eyes and spill forth. I never knew her, never wanted too, but in that moment I felt as though I knew everything about the woman. It could have been me instead, while she lay here.

            Did she truly die alone? Had no one been at her side at the end? Just the thought of her loneliness broke my heart. She didn’t deserve this. For several minutes I cried for her, wiping at my face wondering if anyone would tell me if I asked and inquired what happened. I wasn’t family and we weren’t friends but for a small time, we had been closer than two people could ever be in a life. I felt I owed her something even if she left before I could tell her goodbye.

            Letting myself wallow in a bout of pity, I thought about that strange dream with Ann. But the longer I mulled it over the more insistent another one became; one I had just started to recall in the last few seconds. It nagged at me, poked at my thoughts until I was forced to let it in so it would be seen and remembered. It was more faded and watery than any dream I had ever had yet its persistence in wanting, needing to be known was powerful. There seemed to be no beginning or no end to it, just a middle part, one that I recalled with perfect clarity if just for a few seconds as I looked at my finger and remembered how I got this ring.

            John had sat beside me, tears streaming down his face, his sorrow at seeing me here overwhelming him. But there was something else, a look in his eyes that I hadn’t seen in nearly a year, which consumed him as he held my hand and tenderly, gently placed this ring on my finger. It should have stopped there, but it was just the start. A kiss had been added just after, to seal it in place before he said his vows.

            At that memory my heart stopped for just a second. I could almost hear the man’s voice, that deep, dark tones binding me to him that night. My tears sprang forth believing it was true but how could it be. If it was a dream it was one I wished for all these months. It couldn’t be real? How could John marry me when he didn’t remember?

            What a cruel trick my dreams had played on me. My tears came faster as I tried not to fall victim to this hoax but it was proving difficult. In my weakened state I couldn’t fight back, I had no power, no strength to push these false images away. Knowing they almost succeeded gave me a moment of anger, but it also brought another bought of pain and sorrow. I couldn’t go on this way.