its <3 and torture

Why.

Nothing to say xoxo luv ya babez
Tw: Eating disorders!!!, alcohol, major Self Harm!!!!!!!, advantages , m1n0r h4rm!!!.
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{Giyuus pov}

I immediately started crying, silently like I learned to when I witnessed my sisters death.
I got up, and practically sprinted to the bathroom and just stared at myself in the mirror. Head pounding. Still drowsy and intoxicated from the previous drinking events, i was a worn out mess.

What hurt me more was the fact that this wasn't the first time something like this had happened. Minus the drinking, this sorta fresco happened when I was 12. I was so young it scarred me. This just made me worried to think that my own boyfriend took advantage of me. And i now have to live with him.

I took my fist and smashed the mirror with it, blood streamed like mad. The shatter was so loud but rengoku never woke up to it.

I saw the many glass shards and picked one up, my mind was flowing with many thoughts. I had stopped self harming exactly 8 months ago and I was in full intent to keep it that way. But thoughts and fury overfilled me and I made a single mark, it usually stung the first few times I did it. But this was pure delight and pleasure. I started to bleed, and cry all at the same time so many emotions bled through my mind. I took the shard and made another scar, this one was a bit sore, but I liked it sore. It makes the next one more exciting than the last. Its an addictive habit. Like a competition my mind has to keep a record of how many scars I have. Least painful is usually my least favourite. I always feel like I get no emotion out and the whole point of it is gone. I harm my body to release pain. So why was it stuck? That was always my way of viewing it.

After a good solid two years of self harm one of my old friends started to notice how bad it was getting when i went out with less covered clothing. Even when at school, they were on my knuckles, fingers, palm and other visible places.

The next scar was going to be more painful. I hope. I picked the shard up even more tightly so that my hand would feel more pain. It worked.
The shard dug deep into my arm. A long and deep cut was made, i smiled looking down and seeing the way the scars made a face, it wasn't actually a really sad and depressed face, it happened to be a happy and smiley face! It made me smile a little, I wanted to become THAT face all the time. Not forced.

I turned around, I saw a full body mirror behind me, i stood there. My body was as tiny as it was when I was 9 years old. I just stood there. Did nothing, only cried a few tears like before-hand.

I went back into my bedroom and remembered I never fixed my clothing, I wanted to scream and punch the man I saw still laying in my bed.
"Lazy cunt. Its fucking 9:12 am." I mumbled as I picked out a long sleeved jumper and joggers from a wardrobe I had in the corner of my room.

I threw on my clothes, I usually shower or wash my scars after making them, but i didn't today. I left them to bleed all over my clothes, my jumper was red anyways. Who was gonna know? I tied my hair up in a messy bun,
Not my traditional ponytail I usually have.

Since I was only 14, I was still going through puberty. My acne wasn't clearly up much anymore. I was a little upset to hear that, as I've always been complemented on my clear smooth and gorgeous skin. No one had ever complemented my skin after I started going through puberty.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~timeskip~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rengoku woke up at 10:13 am like I had imagined him to. I had threw up about 2 times only, but my hair was fine as it was pinned into the bun really tight, he could of held it up but he was asleep.