Hiraeth

Chapter 26

Audra Farley

Five years and she was still the same as I remembered.

The bold step I took could be the end of me but I'd gone so far, I couldn't go back. It took me months to reach where I'd gotten to and even when it was impossible I'd leave the same way I came, every thing in me hoped I would at least get a glimpse of Astra. I longed for her to know who I was and even when I knew it would only make her feel illegitimate amongst the rest of them, it would be the only way she would find me if I never got the same opportunity again. She may be little and I could've waited longer but I ran out of patience and I was certain she would never forget an information like the one I would give her.

No amount of words could describe how much I wanted her to myself. Seeing her on papers and screens reminded me of how much I lost by giving away my child. I guess I didn't understand the value of what I lost by signing those papers but I was only sixteen at the time. I had no idea how I would grow up nurturing a child. I didn't want my studies, my dreams and aspirations to go down the drain just because of a child. At twenty one years old, I'd lost both the child and my dreams. I had no family or friends, it was just me in the little shell I created for myself. I was lonely and every thing reminded me of it. From the days I sat alone to eat to the quiet Christmases, it was something I was slowly getting accustomed to. Every day I felt empty and living alone in a beat up apartment didn't help. I couldn't earn enough without a certificate and I hoped that one day things would change but I'd spent five whole years and I was growing tired.

The resemblance between us was clear, what I saw in her was a reflection of myself but a very sad one. I would say we shared the same emotions. I knew how much she had to do and the pretence she kept up by being one of them. Truly, I didn't grow up with her and I'd only had her with me once in my entire life but I could tell how she felt by just the look on her face. I would sit and wonder what it would be like if I didn't step out that night, if I never heard the voices, if I was still a young teenage high school girl and if I still lived a normal life.

Finally, I made a decision and to execute it I needed more than I made from a coffee shop so I worked and didn't stop till I was certain I had enough to take care of her. It took years, four whole years but every drop of sweat was worth it. I failed an amount of times, got back up, did jobs not expected from a woman and all those years for just one day. I could lose and start again from the beginning and I could leave without anyone knowing I was even there.

I took a deep breath and twisted the knob.

Samara Shaw

It was huge and frightening yet a subject of admiration.

I stood with my back plastered to the cold wall as my eyes roamed the body of the creature that stood before me. The grey concrete didn't do justice to its beauty as all I saw then was just his figure. It was tall but his wings stood above his head, making him look even bigger than his original size. Due to the narrowed passageway, it was folded behind him but it was easy to spot it's size. His body was covered with rags and they were so dirty, I could not see its color through the dust coating it. It was as if they had been on his body for years which was the only explanation, considering he was once a statue and his entire body was covered with dust and concrete.

I could not help but let out a small gasp. I was frightened, again, but even more than I was before. I could feel my pulse racing as seconds passed. My mind could not comprehend what was going to happen next. It was better before, when I knew i was not going to die but I knew then that a lot of things could happen that would possibly lead to my death. I was alone with a creature, which looked bigger and stronger than I was, in the middle of a dark passage way. The only way to get out was to run but just like earlier, there was only few I could do before he would reach up to me.