This is like one of the extra chapters na lang.
Nauna ito kesa sa harana ni Gi at Quanli kay Wren. After nito four days pa bago yung harana. So this is like the sneak peak of what happened nung nag-usap sila. Para mabigyan ng closure yung dalawa since they deserve it. They both do. I love kim as much as I love Wren and all my characters so she deserves a closure.
Charannnn happy reading i guess? Not really sure if happy tho
******
The sun was blazing hot outside, streets were busy. The different colors of flower plants are dancing at the gaze of sunlight creating a beautiful hue as it reflect.
But inside the corner of that certain cafe, there seated a man and a woman. They used to have a comforting vibe surrounding them but why does it feel like it's autumn now?
"Kim."
"Gi."
There's the sense of familiarity but not the intense warmth they always felt before.
"Bakit hindi mo sinabi sakin?"
"I'm all good now. Magaling na."
Si Kim ulit ang naunang nagbaba ng tingin, she couldn't face him. Samantalang si Gian, nanginginig ang mga matang pinagmasdan si Kim.
"I'm sorry, alam ko ang laki laki ng kasalanan ko sa'yo, sobrang laki ng pagkukulang ko. All I caused you was pain."
"I'll never blame you, wala kang kasalanan don."
"But still, kung sinabi mo sakin nasamahan sana kita. I could've been there for you. You could've had someone to share all those pain, it could've been more bearable. Sasamahan kita Kim, if you told me."
Hindi na namamalayan ni Gian na humihigpit na ang hawak niya sa tasa ng kapeng nasa mesa.
"Kaya nga hindi ko sinabi, kasi alam ko sasama ka sakin. Pipilitin mo kahit na sabihin kong ayoko, Gi sumisikat yung Quanli nong mga panahon na 'yon, you're slowly getting there."
Hindi na alam ni Gian kung anong dapat maramdaman.
"Hindi ako nagsisisi sa ginawa ko, gagawin at gagawin ko 'yon kasi look at you now. You have your dream with you, you achieved what you once wished you were and that's more than enough for me, so hold on to that okay? Wag mo hahayaang mawala."
He became what he wished to be, a member of a well known band, they produce music, a great one at that. That's enough for Kim to know that she made the right decision. Even if that meant hurting the one she loves, and hurting herself a hundred times worse.
That's enough than feeling guilty and dragging Gian to her dark fate.
Kim's words are like 1000 syringe that's slowly penetrating on his entire system, deep. It gives such medicine but it hurts, it hurts so bad.
A beat of silence.
"How are you during those times? Mahirap ba kim?"
Doon pa lang tumingin sa kaniya si Kim, tears are teasing to fall down from her eyes.
"Mahirap." Unang salita pa lang ay pumiyok na siya at tumulo ng tuluyan ang mga luha.
"Tell me please."
"Bago ako umalis, nag-away kami nila Terry pati ni Dad. They're telling me you're a bad influence to me. Nadiagnose na ako ng stage 1 non, I can't tell you kasi kapag nalaman mo hindi mo na ako pasasamahin sa gigs niyo sa neon." Pinunasan niya ang luhang bumagsak mula sa mga mata niya.
"Ayaw kitang iwan kahit anong sinasabi nila because I feel like ikaw lang yung meron ako. Ikaw lang yung nagtiwala sakin at naniwala na kaya kong gawin yung mga desisyon ko, all my life pakiramdam ko dinidiktahan na lang kilos ko. I am the understanding friend, I am the perfect daughter but none of that is me, ikaw lang yung nakakakilala sakin that's why I can't leave you. Siguro napuno na si Daddy, I was forced to leave the country. Nung mga panahon na 'yon kakasign niyo ng contract sa record label, gumagawa na kayo ng sariling pangalan niyo. I can't afford to take your dreams away from you."
Kada paliwanag ay hihinto si Kim para umiyak.
"Pagdating doon ang hirap hirap. Kaaway ko si dad, I can't talk to my friends. I don't have anyone with me- naputol nanaman ang sinasabi nito dahil sa paghikbi.
It was heartbreaking for him to watch, he has always known Kim as a strong woman that he can't bear seeing her like that in front of him.
That's the cue for Gi to cry too.
"Hanggang dumating yung surgery hindi ako kinausap ni dad. The only thing that gave me hope that time was you. Sabi ko kakayanin ko kasi hinihintay mo ako, kailangan kitang balikan, so I fought, kinaya ko 'yon. The surgery was a success akala ko ayos na but it was harder after that. I was stuck there I fucking hated it, I was alone and depressed. Kasi I couldn't see you man lang. I'm counting the days but they seem to go slower and it's killing me. I wanted to see you, I wanted to hear your voice pero pati yon I can't, dad confiscated my phone."
With that she had another breakdown.
"You're so brave Kim, nakaya mo yon. I'm so sorry. I'm very sorry." What pains gian the most is- that's the only thing he can do, to say sorry. Fucking sorry.
Bukod sa pagsisisi, he admired how strong Kim is, to handle all of that. She's a fighter.
The hardest part for him to accept is how she has to go through this, of all people why her? She doesn't deserve all of this that's why he is sorry.
He cares for her, still. Besides, she was the first person who believed in him. Before everything, he had Kim.
I thought you were the one for me.
"Wala akong ibang hinintay kundi yung araw na makabalik sayo, that day came. 'yon na yata yung pinakahihintay kong araw, doon lang ako ulit nagkaron ng sigla after the surgery pero Gi, mas masakit pa yon sa naranasan ko sa ibang bansa."
Napakasama mo Gian. You don't even deserve to be happy. Gian thought.
"How can you do that easily while I can't even afford to look at someone else. Bakit andali-dali sayo? Kasi ako hindi ko kaya. Pano mo ko nakalimutan? Tell me how can I look at someone I love so much knowing that he's not mine anymore?
The one I once promised to spend the rest of my life with?
How can you do that? Turuan mo naman ako."
"Ang daya mo Gi." Yung mga pinangako mo sakin sa kaniya mo ginawa.
This time he can't say the word sorry. He said the word sorry enough.
He wanted to say something but he can't. He cannot give Kim a reason.
How did he found someone again? He doesn't know. He just did.
He doesn't like to think that what Cyd and Dous said was right.
"Kim-
"No please let me just get this out of me. Hindi ko gustong sisihin ka. Matatanggap ko rin, I'll be happy for you too. Maybe not now, but I'll get there. I don't really need your explanation, I think I know and I don't want to hear it, I can't."
Kasi mas lalo akong masasaktan. I've never prayed for something so hard, like how I prayed for us. Kaya hindi ko pa kayang tanggapin kasi ang sakit sakit na hindi na pwede.
"The world has been unfair to us, especially for you. I'm sorry if hindi kita naprotektahan, but I guess this is it for us. Thank you for the beautiful memories, thank you for making me happy. Kim, take care..please?" That made them both weep silently. If he can love kim again he would lover her, the love that she deserves, he would love her right.
But he can't. Kim will stay as a beautiful yet painful lesson for him.
While what Kim realized that time is, kahit gaano kagandang kanta pala kung mali yung tono, hindi pa rin babagay.
"Yes, I guess this is it for us, Gi. Thank you for everything and always remember that I'm proud of you." kahit hindi na ako yung kasama mo, kahit hindi na ako yung una mong hahanapin sa audience sa mga performance niyo. Mahal na mahal kita Gian.
Continue to reach your dreams, with her.
I've loved you enough, it's time for me to love myself now.
YOU ARE READING
Cupid's Chokehold
Teen FictionEpistolary Gian Enoch Arenas QUANTUM LEAP SERIES "I know I'm young but if I had to choose her or the sun I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun."
