Come Find Me | Dramione

Chapter 25: The In-Between

Theo wasn't quite sure how he got here.

That was a lie. He had an idea of how he got here. It probably involved one pill too many in a very short period of time. But maybe this all happened before that dark night in his bedroom at Nott Manor. How did one pinpoint precisely where their life went to shit?

He liked to think it was when he first took those stupidly alluring blue Muggle pills. He knew the moment he had met that shady man in the London pubs after the war that he would ruin his life. He had told Theo he had sad eyes. Said he had something that could make all those evil thoughts go away. And how was Theo expected to pass up such an opportunity?

What followed were some of the worst years of Theo's life. He couldn't even recognize himself anymore. If it hadn't been for Blaise and Draco's neverending grace and forgiveness, he was sure he would be dead.

Well, I could be dead right now, he thought with a humorless laugh.

No, maybe it wasn't the moment he took that first pill. He went back further. Maybe the war? Being forced into his father's fight at the mere age of seventeen was enough to drive anyone to the darkness.

Or maybe it was even further. When his father would get so fucking angry that he would beat Theo within an inch of his life. Or perhaps it was the day he was born, the day he killed his mother by simply entering into the world.

He didn't know which moment led him to pick up that pill bottle from where Granger had dropped it. Couldn't say why he relapsed only hours after digging Granger out of her rock bottom.

Whatever the reason was, he guessed it didn't really matter, did it? He was still here, standing at the foot of a hospital bed where he watched an entire team of healers scramble around his body, trying to keep him alive.

It was strange, this world of in-between. It felt almost like he was underwater. He felt weightless. He could see everything, but he was almost sure no one could see him. Or at least this version of him—the ghostlike Theo that stared at the Magical concoctions the healers had created and wrapped around the comatose Theo in that bed.

Blaise and Draco hadn't left his side. It broke his heart to see how much his mistake was hurting them. He wished he could wrap his arms around each of them and tell them he was sorry. That he didn't mean to relapse. He wished he could explain how alone he felt. He wished they could understand why he did it.

He almost wished they could let him go.

Theo wouldn't lie; he was exhausted. He thought about giving up. But every time he would get close, he would feel Blaise touch his skin. He'd hear Draco whisper for him to stay. To wake up.

He didn't want to leave them. But he didn't know if he could go back to the life he lived.

"I think I'm going to grab some coffee," Blaise finally said, voice broken. "I'll bring you one," he spoke to Draco.

"Thanks," Draco said, still looking at his hands.

Theo watched Blaise rise from his chair next to his bed and leave the room. Draco looked up from his hands to where Theo lay on the bed. He could see the dried tears staining his friend's face. Theo felt a ping of pain in his chest.

"Hey, mate," Draco whispered from his seat across the room.

"Yes, Your Royal Highness?" Theo said back to him, chuckling as he felt tears welling in his eyes. But Draco couldn't hear him.

"I don't know if you can hear me," Draco continued, "but I could really use your help now. I need my brother, Theo. I need you to fight this."

Draco walked to his bedside, putting a hand on Theo's shoulder. "I fucked up Theo. I fucked up so bad. I shouted at her. At Hermione. After everything she's—"he gasped, swallowing a sob that broke free, "—everything she's been through. How could I be so fucking stupid? I was scared. I didn't even hear her out, I—"He broke off, wiping his hand over his stressed face.